Ciaphas Cain and Commander Shepard: Blame the Eldar
by Full-Paragon
Summary: When the machinations of an eldar fareer drop an entire world full of Imperial Guard, Orks, and Eldar into the Mass Effect Universe, both worlds are forever changed. Switches between the perspectives of Commissar Ciaphias Cain and Commander Jane Shepard. Rated M for language, adult situations and violence.
1. Chapter 1

_This particular entry in the Cain Archives comes not from his time in the Imperium as before, but after he arrived in Citadel space. I know that a great many people have been clamoring for additional information on "The Imperium of Man", but those memories are more and more distant to me as each day passes. Instead, I will leave that to Admiral Sulla's... Colorful memorials, or another original source. Instead, I will let Cain talk about what would become his new life. In his usual, rambling style, Cain often forgoes any mention of events that transpire outside of his rather narrow view, and I have inserted documentation to supplement his perspective that will allow the reader to see the broader affects of Cain's actions._

_-A. Veil._

It had been a rather rough morning. Woken up at an inhumanly indecent hour by a irate* inquisitor, having a forced march across ancient, ork infested ruins, all so I could engage in a fire fight with a group of fanatic xenos. Amberly always did have the oddest sense of a fun outing. Another shuriken round glanced off the stone work above my head, and I instinctively ducked. Like I said, a rough morning.

My arrival on Terrgor Primus had been rather unspectacular at first. A small, boring world of little interest** to anyone but the few xeno-archeological experts that still picked over the ruins that dotted its surface, the 597th Valhallan had been dispatched to deal with a rather rampant ork incursion in the sector, which threatened the forge world of Terrgor Secludes and its vital productions of everything from common laze guns to the towering titans its tech priests produced. Terrgor Primus was literally swarming with orcs, who would soon make the jump to space travel and allow them to assault Terrgor Secludes with little trouble.***

Naturally, the Valhallan's could have only been happier if we had been dispatched to an ice world overrun with orks, or perhaps just an ice world in general****. My aid Jurgen in particular seemed particularly excited, even going so far as to make an awkward attempt at cleaning his kit and scrounging additional power packs for his melta gun.

For myself, I was more than a little worried. Orks were common enough, and not really worth the trouble in my opinion. As far as I was concerned, we should have just declared exterminatus, proclaimed victory for the Emperor, and enjoyed a few months of light patrol duty on Secludes to make sure no orks had infested the planet. But a certain overeager, dangerous beautiful inquisitor had messaged me before our arrival, saying that she needed me to do some special work for her on Terrgor Primus, and to bring her favorite blank***** along for the ride.

Naturally, she could have simply painted a giant warning sign across the planet that said "DANGEROUS XENOS HERE" and I would have gotten much the same message. I was even more forceful in my suggestions to Colonel Regina Kasteen that we simply declare exterminatus and slag the place from orbit.

"What, and deny the troops their fun Cain? That isn't like you at all." She had playfully teased over a shared pot of tanna.

_"_I'm just thinking about Terrgor Secludes, the loss of those titans would be a heavy blow to the Imperium, and Emperor save us if those greenskins get their filthy hands on sacred titan. I was just thinking it would make more sense to slag the useless fraking hunk of rock and be done with it."

I coolly replied, trying to hid my trepidation at the thoughts of what might really lurk on the surface of Terrgor Primus. Whether it was necrons, tyranids, eldar, or even the tau, personally I was pulling for the Tau, they could at least be counted on to fight fair, if Amberly needed Jurgen's help it was sure to be nas_ty._

"True enough Cain," Regina allowed, "And to tell you the truth, I wondered the same thing to Lord General Zyvan, and he himself would have been in favor of exterminatus."

I felt a glimmer of hope growing in my breast, and I carefully asked, "Then why don't we do just that? We can surely find more orcs to kill elsewhere, maybe on a nice cool planet."

Regina smiled openly at that one and winked at me, she knew I personally was not a lover of iceballs as she was, but appreciated the sentiment. "Well, you didn't hear this from me, but Zyvan may have off handedly mentioned Inquisitorial interest in seeing the ruins on Primus preserved."

My heart thumped nosily, and I saw Amberly's hand at work.****** If the inquisition had made an open move, it was surely even more dangerous than I thought.

"Well," I said casually, trying to maintain my air of a battle hardened hero instead of the skulking coward I was,* "We had best not let the inquisition's prize go to waste then."

_*Cain here simply does not give himself enough credit. A shining paragon of the Emperor's will he might not have been, but he was a tried and true hero by this point._

If only I had known what really awaited me down on Terrgor Primus, and the events that would unfold afterwards I would have... Well, actually, this time I would have landed with a song in my heart and a bouquet for Amberly and kissed the Imperium goodbye forever. As much as I enjoyed serving the Emperor, going to a galaxy with no Chaos gods, xenos that actually didn't seem to mind being ruled by humanity and best of all, no necrons, was the best thing that ever happened to me. I would sooner face a Reaper then a Tomb Lord any day of the week.

Which brings me back to the absolutely awful morning I was having. As much as I would like to thank the eldar witch for bringing me to Citadel Space now, at that point I simply wanted to put a laze beam through her head.

"Well, what's your plan now." I growled at Amberly, who was crouching with me and Jurgen******* behind a small stone wall.

"Well, we could always try negotiating." Amberly suggested, smiling at me as she prepared to take another shot with her bolt pistol.

"Oh, that sounds like a great idea." I grumbled. As I stood up to take another shot at the eldar guardians keeping us pinned down while I was certain that squad of howling banshee's we had tangled with earlier circled around to flank us, I shouted "Hey, xeno frackers, want to negotiate?"

The fire of their weapons petered off, and I distinctly heard a male eldar voice say. "Finally. Idiot mon'keigh sees reason."

I glanced at Amberly, and could see she was just as surprised as me. "Was that a yes?" I called back, "Or should we just keep shooting at one another?"

"It was a yes, mon'keigh." The same voice replied, closer this time.

"And what exactly are we negotiating?" Amberly asked, quickly standing and pointing her bolter at the guardian leader who was now a mere twenty paces away.

"That is not for me to tell you, mon'keigh. Come, the farseer will explain." He beckoned for us to follow.

I stood as well, training my laze pistol on him. "And how do we know it's not a trap?" I asked, taking careful aim at the xeno's skull.

"Because, mon'keigh, if you do not come with me, I will allow the Banshee's to strike." He said, indicating behind us.

I glanced behind me and felt my mouth dry. I had been wrong, it was not the squad from before. They had brought their friends, and there were fully two score howling banshee's showing themselves behind us.

"Sir, I think I can take them." Jurgen calmly said, training his melta on the nearest aspect warrior.

"Amberly dear, I thought you said it was only a small group of xenos." I pleasantly remarked to her.

"And, Cain dear, I was fairly certain there were at most two-score xenos here. I'm afraid I was wrong though." She replied, far more happily then I would have been if I had suddenly realized there were likely hundreds of eldar skulking about the ruins.

"Stand down Jurgen." I calmly ordered. I turned back the guardian leader. "Fine, take us to your witch, we will talk."

At that moment, a sudden sense of vertigo came over me, similar to the sensation that I often felt when traveling through the warp. This one, however, was different. Normally the sensation seemed to last an eternity. This time, it did. It felt like hours and hours, and soon time began to lose all meaning. After I began to think it would never end, the sensation abruptly stopped. I did my best not to let my discomfort show, but it was all I could do to remain standing. Our eldar guide seemed to be fairing even worse, he looked about three sheets to the wind. Straightening my Commissars cap, I cleared my throat and strode forward.

"Well then, let's get this over with."

I tried not to preen when the eldar glared daggers at me. "It is already over, you just do not know it."

With that ominous prediction hanging over our heads, we descended into the ruins. A pair of warp spiders lay unconscious on the floor, several eldar in clothing I had never seen tending to them.

"Are those?" I whispered quietly to Amberly, indicating the strange eldar with a nod.

"Yes. Civilians. We need to get to the bottom of this." She replied, her eyes hardening. Perhaps she was now considering my suggestion of exterminatus.******** Hopefully, not while we were still on the planet.

"No harm will come to you while you are on this planet unless you begin hostilities Mon'Keigh." The guardian said, watching us as we studied the civilians. "Please do not begin them, your deaths would be most inconvenient."

"Shame that." I drawled, hiding my tension.

"We will keep the peace as long as you do, xenos." Amberly said cheerily, meaningfully stroking her bolt pistol.

"On your word, Commissar. Lady Inquisitor." Jurgen said softly, patting his melta. The poor man wasn't even trying to maintain a calm demeanor, he WAS calm. I am sure in whatever organ passed for Jorgan's tortured mind, he was certain that as long as he was with me, he was perfectly safe. I was not looking forward to dispelling his illusion.

We wove through layers and layers of dug out earth, much of it fresh construction. Xenos where packed in, and I quickly gave up counting, there were thousands of them, and I was far closer to them then I had ever wanted to be. Strangely, they looked at me with curiosity or hope, not with the outright hostility I expected from a pack of filthy xenos. This mission was getting stranger by the minute, and I was starting to wonder just what exactly the eldar witch was planning. Fortunately, we had an ace in the hole so to speak, in the form of Jorgan's special qualities. Anyone who stood near him would be blocked from influence from the warp, and the witch's abilities would be rendered useless.

We wove in and out of passageways, until even my sense of direction was thrown a bit off. I could tell we had come down rather far though, so far in fact I almost expected to see lava bubbling out from the cracks. Finally, we reached a massive chamber, and I guessed it was at near the center of the entire complex. It was only dimly lit at the entrance, and I could not see its edges or the ceiling, but I guessed you could probably fit the entire 597th with equipment in the chamber and have them run combat drills.

A small circle of eldar stood on the threshold, and they turned to face us as we approached. Several bowed and moved out of our way. I fingered my chain sword. Xenos acting strangely was the first sign that things were about to get messy. Looking around the chamber, I could sense airflow from multiple directions, and started fixing the nearest location in my mind. It would make an excellent escape route when things went all to the warp.

As the eldar parted, a tall female in the trappings of a witch became visible, sitting cross-legged on the ground with her eyes closed. I tried to breath normally, but the last time I had been this close to an eldar witch, she had tried to take my head off and I had narrowly avoided having the Black Bell rung for me, an encounter I was not overeager to repeat.

"Be at peace, Ciaphas Cain, Amberly Veil, and the Hidden One. We mean you no harm." She spoke softly, almost a whisper, but it sent chills down my spine knowing it was the voice of a such a treacherous foe of mankind.

"What exactly do you want, Farseer? Teela, isn't it?" Amberly asked, her town bouncy and light, though I could tell from the way she was holding herself she was just as terrified as I was.*********

Her eyes opened, and she held out a hand to Amberly while she remained seated. "I am weakened, Amberly. Would you please help me stand?"

This took me quite aback. In my experience, eldar had two ways of dealing with humans, either as pawns or as obstacles to be removed. Since Teela wasn't trying to kill us, I assumed she was manipulating us. Accurately, as it turned out, but I suppose in the end I didn't really mind.**********

Amberly paused, then took the witch's hand and helped her to her feat. I didn't realize it, but all the eldar surrounding us had tensed until Amberly took Teela's hand, and once the farseer was on her feat they all seemed to relax. I wasn't sure what they had been worried about, there were a dozen of them, and even with Jurgen's melta our only hope would have been to blast our way out and run for the hills, even if I did throw Amberly to the xenos my escape would have been dicey at best.

The witch turned to me and held out her hand. "Ciaphas Cain. It is a pleasure to see you in the flesh. Well met."

I glanced and Amberly, and when she nodded I gingerly took Teela's hand. It was warm and light, surprisingly delicate. I shuddered at the thought of the millions of good Imperial Citizens that had met their fates at her touch, doomed by the same hand I was now carefully shaking.

To my astonishment, she turned to Jurgen once she had let go of my hand, and offered hers to my odious adjutant. "Hidden one, I am glad you came, for your help may be the key to our salvatioin."

The use of the term hidden one frankly scared the frak out of me, as it meant she knew about Jurgen's resistance to the warp, and probably meant her scheming xeno mind had already found away around it and was treacherously subverting us as we stood their talking.

Jurgen just looked at the hand, then pulled an icon of the Emperor out of one of his innumerable pouches and waved it in her face. Laughing, Teela withdrew her hand. It was a surprisingly light and airy sound, and I had to stamp down hard on a feeling that she might almost be human. She was a xenos, and her ways were wicked and bereft of the Emperor's light.

"Perhaps that is for the best." She then turned back to Amberly and I, and smiled brightly. "Today is a new day for all of us. I suggest we join forces and eradicate the orcs on this planet, then begin rebuilding and restoring this world. I and my officers will gladly integrate into your command structure, as long as you ex-Inquisitor or the former Commissar are in overall command, I feel you will deal with us fairly."

"It's not ex-Inquisitor." Amberly said, smiling sweetly as she rubbed the ring I knew contained a deadly assassination device, and I imagine the witch understood the significance, "Nor is Cain a former Commissar. We are both servants of his Imperial Majesty, and unless you care to tell me what exactly is going on, I may just start the exterminatus that planet obviously needs here and now."

To my utter astonishment, the eldar witch blushed. I couldn't hide my gape of astonishment. She was acting almost girlish, far from the cold manipulations and arrogant superiority I was used to in her kind. What was her ploy? I guarded my soul well, knowing that she would try and destroy everything that made me who I was if I allowed her. Though when that did happen, I will admit I rather enjoyed it.

"Oh, my apologizes. I am so... Unprepared, for what this is truly like. I am afraid I and my kind have grown to used to using the warp as a crutch, and now that we find it pure and clean, it overwhelms us."

At this point I could no longer hold my tongue, the witch was simply speaking to much nonsense. "A clean warp? What the frak is wrong with you, you and your kind xeno are responsible for half the horrors that plague humanity that come from that vile place."

In response, the witch giggled, and hid her face behind her hand. Several of the other eldar tittered as well, and as I watched her I once again forced my emotions under control. She was manipulating me, and parts of my anatomy were starting to think being manipulated by this seemingly beautiful creature would not be such a bad thing. But a moment of laxity led to a lifetime of heresy I reminded myself, and steeled myself once more.

"Oh you truly cannot tell, forgive me. We are no longer in the Imperium, we are beyond your Emperor, we are beyond the vile Gods of Chaos. We have left, never to return, for I have destroyed the device that brought us here."

My mouth went dry, but I reminded myself that xenos spoke only lies. Beyond the reach of the Emperor? No longer in the Imperium? What was this witch playing at?

"My faith is a shield proof against your blandishments, witch." I responded.

"Enough!" Amberly roared, her previously blithely happy mask gone, "What are you playing at Teela? What was that warp sensation we felt? What horrors have you unleashed?"

Regaining her composure, Teelah sighed as if explaining a simple fact to a juvie. "It is simple dear Amberly. We have traveled through the Warp to another universe. We have escaped our pasts. The future is ours."

*_If I remember, I had been the picture of politeness at the time, but some big baby did not enjoy having the sheets yanked off him._

_**For once, Cain's rather egocentric view is correct, even my brothers and sisters in the inquisition had no idea of Terrgor Primus's true nature._

_***The capacity for feral orks to make the rapid jump to space faring in a remarkably short time was a feat that baffled the Imperium's greatest minds until my untimely departure from the Emperor's worlds._

_****The Valhallan's hatred of orks was as nearly legendary as their love of worlds bereft of anything resembling warmth._

_*****Cain's aid de camp, Jurgen, was a rare individual gifted with immunity to the warp, along with various other things as we would discover later._

_******Actually, I had had nothing to do with it, nor had any inquisitor that Ordo Xenos was aware of. Naturally, I had thought perhaps one of the other branches, such as the lunatics in Ordo Mallus had taken an interest in the ruins and had set out immediately, and had discovered the real culprits for the misinformation fed the Imperial Guard._

*******_Jurgen and I._

_********Indeed I was, destroying that many eldar was far more valuable then figuring out what they were up to in my mind._

_*********More. I knew exactly who we were dealing with, and Teela was known as a farseer who was especially skilled in her manipulations of the servants of the Emperor, as our presence showed._

_***********And to a degree the galaxy would not know until Teela was good and ready to show it._

* * *

**From the Journal of Commander Jane Shepard, Systems Alliance Fleet.**

I love my ship. Part of it is my girlish love of shiny things. Not very lady like or befitting of a famous hero, but hey, what can I say, I am a selfish girl on the inside. Growing up on the streets, I didn't have time for a lot of nice toys, so now that I get the very best ones, I love them. Get over it.

The Normandy is a beautiful ship, the best damn vessel in the fleet, no matter what those fuckers back at fleet comm say about "over budget freighter we could have built a fleet instead of," the Normandy is worth a thousand of those rust buckets they churn out like cheap designer dresses. She's sleek, she's fast, and she's nearly invisible. And she has a charming, beautiful, intelligent commander who unlike certain members of the Council did not have her head up her ass. Heh, I would have given half a year's pay to see their faces when they were informed I wasn't coming to save their sorry asses from Sovereign. Serves them right. Too bad about the _Destiny Ascension_, she was almost as much of a ship as the _Normandy_.

So when a giant planet pops right the fuck out of nowhere with all its celestial bodies and causes a giant fucking asteroid to plow right into the side of my ship, I am understandably pissed off to no small degree.

"THE FUCK WAS THAT!" The charming, beautiful captain roared as she disentangled herself from the almost as charming and beautiful asari who had been sharing her bed. Scratch that, Liara is MORE charming and beautiful as me. Just don't tell her I said that, her head is big enough as it is.

"I... I don't know!" Liara gasped as she struggled up.

The door, which I normally lock when it's sexy time, and I had been CERTAIN I had locked before Liara and I retired, was forced open rather rudely by a turian who was cruising for a bruising.

"Commander, we're hit, I... I am going to wait right outside." Garrus spun on his heels, not even bothering to try and force the door shut again.

"No shit Garrus." I growled, and without stopping stomped over and flung the door all the way open.

I think I almost made Pressley's eyes pop out of his head when he saw me standing there naked, but there simply wasn't time to get dressed. "XO, status report!" I barked, running over to the galaxy map.

Credit where credit is due, the crew knew their job. They all knew Liara and I bunked together, but they also wisely decided I was correct in thinking there wasn't time to get my panties on. They all barely glanced at me then got back to work.

"Our port engines are gone ma'am, something came out of nowhere and struck them." Pressley reported, sending a full damage report to my screen.

I punched the comm to the bridge. "Joker, what the _fuck_ is wrong with you? Your eyes crippled too now?"

"Commander, you really, really need to come up here and see this. I don't think I can explain it." Joker replied, and something in his voice told me that this time, the shit had well and truly hit the fan.

I dashed up to the bridge, and Joker glanced at me, his face a mask of confusion and terror. When he didn't make a quip about my nudity, the way my boobs bounced, or even leer a little, I knew he wasn't playing around.

"Commander, whatever hit us, it wasn't there until it did so." Joker said, turning back around as he furiously punched in commands.

I leaned over the council, trying to see what the hell he was talking about. Damn. Unless our instruments, the navigation charts, and Jokers skill as a pilot all evaporated at once, he wasn't lying. That rock had only appeared on our scans 1.76 seconds AFTER we hit it. When we impacted, it actually showed as not even being there. Considering we were traveling at post-relativistic speeds when we did, perhaps it wasn't.

"The fuck is this." I breathed, looking over it. "It's like we hit something that didn't even show up until after we were by."

"Actually commander I think that's a good possibility. If we had impacted a rock that size, even a brush, the Normandy would be dust right now considering how fast we were going." Joker agreed.

"Jane." Liara whispered behind me, and quickly slid my bath robe onto my shoulders. I shrugged it on, not even turning to smile at the only person on my boat allowed to call me by my first name.

"But that's not why I called you up here Commander. That is." Joker said, pointing to a planet out of the view port.

Glancing at the chronometer, I knew that we should be passing through a system that had no planets. We should have just discharged our drive core before continuing on our patrol for geth in the terminus, fleet comms idea of getting me out of the way before I embarrassed them to much by ranting about reapers. But they weren't the ones with the visions in their head. They were not the ones who knew the devastation that would be wrought when the reapers came back. I was. And I was going to be ready.

What I had not been ready for though was a giant planet popping right the fuck out of nowhere.

"Joker, that should not fucking be here." I said, squinting at the planet. It was sorta brownish, with a few shallow seas and scattered greenery. Probably a garden world then, even if it wasn't an especially appealing one. Even a poor garden world though was valuable, it in a well explored system like this it would have been logged and recorded.

"No Commander, it shouldn't. And I watched it show up. Watch." Joker called up the ships camera feed from a few minutes before. Cruising through FTL, lots of blue shifted stuff, then BAM, collision, immediate falling out of FTL. I winced, my poor baby! Who ever had done that was going to fucking pay.

A few seconds of empty space, and warning pings as the scanners picked up things popping out of nowhere. Then BOOM! Huge, fucking planet, right there. What. The. Hell.

"Goddess." Liara breathed, and I felt her hand in mine. I gave it a squeeze. God, I was scared too.

"What are the scanners showing Joker?" I demanded, squinting at the planet.

"Fuck all Commander. That impact shook us up to hell and gone. I have limited maneuvering, and maybe about 2% forward thrust. But no comms, and scanners are busted up all to hell." Joker angrily said, slamming the council in frustration.

"And I think that impact broke my fucking ribs. Dammit." He muttered, still furiously imputing commands.

I straightened up, my eyes narrowing. This was either a very good thing or a very bad thing. And I was going to find out.

"Then take us over there and find us a good landing zone Joker. We're going to find out what the hell is going on here. By the time the Alliance realizes we won't be making our scheduled check-ins and sends someone to investigate, who knows what might happen."

"Aye aye Commander. We have limited thrusters though, so it's going to be a few hours. I have enough power for us to land though."

I nodded, straightening my hair, thinking furiously. "All right, you tell me if the scanners pick up anything, even a hint of what the hell is happening."

"Aye aye ma'am."

"We'll be in my quarters." I grabbed Liara's hand and walked her back to my quarters, carefully sliding the door shut.

"Well." I said, sitting in my chair and pulling out my bottle of Southern Comfort. It was cracked, but it still held most of its liquid. I poured two glasses and handed one to Liara.

"Well indeed. Thank you." Liara murmured, and quickly drank her entire shot in one gulp. I followed her example and poured us refills.

"You ever hear of anything like this? Any prothean tech that could make a planet appear out of nowhere with all its celestial bodies?" I asked, swirling the amber liquid in my glass thoughtfully.

"No. Nothing that the prothean's had suggests that they had the knowledge to move entire worlds." Liara shakily replied.

I finished my shot and took her hands in mine. She was wearing her matching bathrobe, the ones we had bought on Illium for our celebratory "date night" before our deployment to the butt crack of nowhere. A shopping spree of such epic proportions had seldom been seen even on that planet before, though I had to admit it's pale green fabric really brought out the blue in her... Well, everything. Her hands stopped shaking as I touched them, and I gazed into her eyes.

"You know what that means then." I whispered, and she nodded. Neither of us spoke the name aloud, like we were two scared little girls afraid to whisper the name of boggy men. Reapers. Fuck it, Candle Jack Candle Jack Candle Jack. If that fucker can't get me, neither can they. Nothing is going to separate me and Liara, not even them.

We put on our clothes and lay on the bed together, just holding each other close. Neither of us knew the hell we were getting into, but at least we had each other going there. I started to doze off, but the comm woke me and we scrambled up.

"Status report!" I barked.

"About to enter atmo commander, thought I would let you know."

"Got it. Send Garrus down to the mako. We're going in hot to secure a landing zone for you."

"Rodger that."

We scrambled to the elevator, and the ride down seemed to take forever. Who knew what we were going to find down there? Garrus was waiting for us, and I nodded to the stoic turian as we boarded.

Garrus is a good kid, if a little idealistic and hot headed. He's smart though, and he follows my orders pretty well, and he's both a crack shot and handy with an omni tool. A good guy to have on your side, really. Me, I just like to use guns. Guns, guns and more guns. Also grenades. I love grenades. Garrus thinks he's a better shot then me, but he's just kidding himself. You can fight like a Krogan or run like a Leopard, but you will NEVER be better then Commander Shepard.

The ride down in the mako was bumpy as usual, but I handled it. If the Normandy is my lady, the mako is our baby, and I take good care of her. I earned top marks in both piloting and gunnery on the mako, and I've been told I'm the only person in the galaxy who can make the mako ride as smooth as a BWM, but like I said, no one's better then Commander Shepard.

As soon as we hit though, all hell broke loose. Giant, green aliens started running toward us waving of all things, axes and firing wildly into the air.

"Looks like hostiles. " Garrus calmly remarked, and I almost turned around and hugged him. He had punctuated his quip with the roar of the chain gun, the giant rounds shredding the onrushing aliens.

The Shepard school of diplomacy is proven to be 100% effective in all first contact experiences, and I was glad to see Garrus applying it with both barrels.

I quickly turned the mako and speed off away from the aliens. No need to give them a clear target, they might actually hit something, and those guns looked pretty big, though they appeared to be primitive chemical rounds they were big enough that the few that scattered off our shields drained them a surprising amount.

"Joker, this LZ is no good. Multiple hostiles, unknown species. Assume orbit and make what repairs you can there. Try and radio the fleet."

"Aye aye ma'am." Joker radioed back. "Take care of yourself commander."

I laughed. "Don't worry about me, feel sorry for these stupid green bastards."

Out the dust trail we were leaving multiple hostile contacts appeared, more of the green aliens riding what looked like utterly ridiculous Harleys. I snorted in derision. They were no match for my baby, and Garrus calmly and efficiently took them out one at a time. But there were just so MANY of the damn things.

As we crested a rise, I felt my heart flutter. Before us was a massive military deployment, scattered throughout what looked like ancient ruins. Blocky guns pointed in our direction, and several heavy weapons positions were rather near us for comfort. There were also a large number of treaded vehicles with mounted weapons, a few of which turned questioningly in our direction. Fortunately, they weren't firing. The green things behind us sure as hell were, so I headed for them. Maybe they would be friendly.

Then again, maybe krogan would become fans of sparkles and rainbows. Fat chance.

We roared down the hill, hotly pursued by a literal swarm of the motorbikes driving ahead of what my sensors showed to be a sea of the green things on foot. More rounds from our pursuers were spattering off our shields which were now draining at a rather discomforting rate. It looked like we were going to make it to the lines of whoever it was there, and as the first bike crested the hill one of those big stubby guns opened up and dropped a load of explosive ordinance that scattered the green alien all over the landscape.

"Jane, are they friendly?" Liara yelled, pointing at the army on our view screen we were hurtling toward.

"Fuck me if I know, but those other ones are shooting at us, and these guys aren't. Get me a visual on what they look like though, don't want to run toward a bunch of Reaper troops." I ordered, thinking furiously. Maybe we could drive along their lines and escape, though the green tide approaching behind us was going to put a crimp in that plan to say the least.

"Commander!" Liara gasped, and I glanced to look at what she had pulled up, then had to snap back as I almost flipped the mako. The view screen clearly showed a blonde human woman shouting orders.

"Well, I'll be damned." I muttered. "Looks like we're saved after all."

I drove up to where the woman was shouting orders and popped the hatch, scrambling out.

"Halt, xeno filth! You stand before the might of-"

"The fuck are you yelling about Sergeant!" I screamed, ripping my helmet off.

The soldiers gasped in shock, and I took a second look at the woman, who was staring at me.

"Or you will be if you don't tell me what the fuck is going on right the hell now Lieutenant, status report!" I screamed. Their uniforms didn't look like any merc group I had ever seen before, but I figured they would respect my pull anyway.

"Er, who are you, you don't have authorization to-" The lieutenant stammered, trying to regain control of the situation.

"I AM COMMANDER FUCKING SHEPARD, LIEUTENANT! YOU THERE!" I pointed at a nearby sergeant.

"Er, yes ma'am?" The man stammered, his eyes wide.

"Use the vehicle as cover, get a field of fire, the whole god damn world is about to drop on you heads and those greenskins look like they want to skin you alive and eat your guts! You mean want that?" I bellowed, striding over and pointing at where I wanted the men.

"No ma'am!" He replied, snapping off a salute I returned.

I turned back to the flustered Lieutenant. "And who the fuck are you?" I demanded, stabbing a finger into her body armor.

"1st Lieutenant Jenit Sulla, Commander!" The woman replied, firing off a salute.

"As you were Lieutenant, get me a runner, I need to speak for whatever passes for your commander around here. Some serious shit is going on down here, and I need to know what your intel is." Hopefully the commander would know how the hell this rock had ended up here and what those green aliens were.

"Yes ma'am!" She replied, and turned around to start giving orders.

I radioed Liara and Garrus in the mako. "Stay here and watch my back, maneuver and keep those aliens off us."

"Yes ma'am." Garrus radioed back, and the canon on the mako continued to scythe down row up on row of the manically suicidal aliens.

"This way ma'am." A trooper called, and I followed him off at a jog toward their command structure.

And that was how I, Jane Shepard, and two "xenos" joined the Imperial Fucking Guard. God, what the fuck have I gotten myself into.

_Authors Note:_

_A few things. Firstly, no, this is not going to replace Keelah Se'lai if you were wondering. This is just something I've had jumbling around in my head for a while. It's not going to update very frequently, probably once a month at most because my main focus is still Keelah Se'lai._

_Next, let me know what you think of this. I have Keelah Se'lai planned out pretty much to the end, and I am starting to wonder what project I should take on next. If you think this is good, let me know and I'll focus on this after I am done._

_Lastly, Shepard can speak Gothic through space magic. Shut up. I wanted it to work this way so I waved the magic deus ex wand and... Wait, no. Actually her ship was caught in the warp and the Normandy's crew absorbed knowledge of the gothic language that way. Or maybe the warp caused everyone who spoke gothic to now speak English. Whatever. The eldar did it._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_Hearing we had been pulled through to an alien galaxy was certainly shocking, but neither the Imperial Guard, the xenos nor myself were prepared for just how different the galaxy we had come to was. As those who served in the Emperor's forces can attest, the mindset of the average human in Imperium is so radically different from that of humans in this galaxy, to the point that we might as well have been separate species. Only Commissar Ciaphas Cain kept his head in those first few hours, and his faith and leadership allowed me and my guardsmen and women to maintain the discipline and control that would see us through the darkness of the coming years. -Lord General Regina Kasteen_

"Let me get this straight." I said, rubbing my temples. I had a horrible, throbbing headache. The nonsense this witch was spewing might not have been warp touched to try and frak up my brains, but it was certainly enough xeno filth to give any true servant of the Emperor (Or, in my case, someone who was very good at pretending he was one) a massive headache*.

_*Cain wasn't alone, I myself was having a hard time understanding what the xeno was saying, though at least I understood most of her more technical explanations. _

"You dragged this entire world through the warp to Emperor knows where, and now you expect us to all join hands and sing juvie songs together?"

"I do not feel the holding of hands or singing of songs would be prudent while the orks still roam this world, uel'ai, but in essence yes."

"What did you call him." Amberly snapped, her eyes wild. I was a bit surprised that the xeno calling me some sort of nasty name would get her rancor up after the blasphemous idiocy the witch had spouted for the last 10 minutes or so, but you never knew what the straw that broke the grox's back would be.

"Uel'ai. As are you, and even the Hidden One, Amberly." The xeno replied calmly.

I put a hand on Amberly's shoulder. "Relax, whatever foul word that means in her filthy tongue, I've been called worse by guardsmen in my own regiment." I said, trying to ease the tension.

Getting an inquisitor to back down from visiting righteous vengeance on a deserving xeno. There was something I hadn't seen myself doing in my wildest nightmares.

"It's not a slur, Ciaphas." She said hoarsely, and I could feel all the tension drain out of her. "It means 'valued one' or perhaps, 'worthy friend.' It's a term of friendship they reserve for members of other craftworlds they hold in high esteem."

"What?" I said skeptically. "You surely don't mean you think they are seriously trying to play nice now. They're eldar. They always have some scheme to try and damn the souls of the Emperor's faithful for all eternity."

Amberly turned to look at me then, and what I saw in her eyes made my veins turn to ice colder than a Vallahallan winter. It was acceptance, defeat. Not something I ever expected to see in one of the eyes of the Emperor's most devote servants, and certainly not Amberly's.*

_* I confess that before that very moment, it was not something I would have ever considered myself doing before either. _

"Cain, I think she's serious." Amberly said dully. "I think she might be telling the truth."

I was astonished, an inquisitor accusing a xeno of telling the truth without first the application of some well deserved Emperor's Truth was near heresy*.

_*No, it _was_ heresy. _

I wondered if Amberly had been corrupted by the xeno's lies, and I would have to administer the Emperor's mercy* to her. It was not a pleasant thought, and my mind immediately began searching for a way around it. Having Amberly fall to heresy was going to be rather bad for my health, as any other Inquisitor who got their hands on me would naturally put me to question as well, certain I was just as tainted as her. That, and I was rather fond of her, as much as it pained me to admit it.

_*I was actually half hoping Cain would take it upon himself to do just that. I didn't know if I could live in a world without the Emperor in a galaxy full of heretics and xenos. Being proved wrong was one of the most pleasant things to ever happened to me. _

"You need not take my words on faith alone. If any of your ships remain in orbit, contact them and ask if they can locate the presence of your Emperor in the warp. His presence is something I would feel constantly if I were to draw upon the energies of the immaterium, but what little I have done since our journey is bare of his essence."

While I was certain the xeno's claims of separating us from the sheltering light of the Emperor were nothing more than the lies her kind constantly spewed, getting out of the ruins sounded excellent. At least orks didn't try and convince you to abandon the Emperor, they just shouted a lot and tried to kill you. Compared to the eldar, it would be almost refreshing.

"That sounds like an excellent idea Teela, why don't you let us go up to the surface and have a friendly chat with the Holy Fleet." I said, giving her my most winning smile.

She smiled back at me. "Of course, you are not prisoners here uel'ia. You may leave whenever you wish. I do council you though to not request an orbital bombardment on this location. Our own ships in orbit might take offense to such an action."

Emperor's bowels. This day just kept getting better and better. An eldar fleet in orbit? That was the surest recipe for disaster I could think of. Unless of course, what Teela was saying was true. Then we were all fraked to the warp and gone.

We trooped back up through the tunnels, and everywhere I saw eldar packing up as if getting ready to leave.

"Going on sabbatical witch?" I asked casually, probing for information*.

_*Which shows Cain's naivety in dealing with the eldar, they do not speak unless they can gain some advantage over you. _

"No, to settle. Until we map web ways and warp currents of the nearby systems, we are stranded on this planet. As such, we must begin agricultural efforts immediately. We have plenty of seeds and supplies, which we will be happy to share with your own people Ciaphas." Teela replied smoothly.

As I looked around, I felt my heart drop like a stone. Unless the eldar were pulling an elaborate charade, even for them*, that looked to be exactly what was going on. I saw what looked like farming equipment, containers of grain, and more eldar children and civilian's then I thought existed. To be fair, my experience with the xenos had mostly consisted of us trying to kill one another, but I hadn't thought there were so many of the little frakers.

_*Actually, it wouldn't have been that elaborate if it was just the grain and farming equipment, they could conjure up that with a wave of their hands. _

"Brought your whelps with you." I observed casually.

"Yes" Teela said, her voice full of grief. "Every craftworld gave us their children in this last, desperate gamble for survival. We believe it to be our last, best hope."

I snorted derisively. From what I knew of witches, she would have schemes with in schemes within plots enough to make the Lord of Change's head spin.

I felt Amberly's hand on my arm. "Cain, all these children... I didn't think with eldar fertility rates this many existed, and certainly not an a single craftworld. We cannot order the fleet to begin exterminatus, not until we find out what in the name of Terra is going on."

That, more than anything, an inquisitor agreeing with a xeno witch, made me begin to realize that the very foundations I had built my whole life on were about to collapse. Oh, the core of self preservation, egotism, and cowardly fear was still there, but the rock of the Imperial Guard, the Light of the Emperor, Holy Terra itself... Those all began to crumble away with frightening rapidity.

"Faith is my shield. The Emperor protects." I muttered, fingering my commissarial sash with one hand and making the sign of the aquila with the other to give myself strength I felt rapidly ebbing away.

What was I doing, walking among xenos and talking to them? I should be visiting the Emperor's swift justice upon them! But I felt that nagging doubt, and my world crumbled.

I glanced behind me and saw Jurgen fingering an Imperial Icon, his other hand clutching his melta, his lips moving as his eyes widened in terror. If good old solid Jurgen was worried, I was certain most others would have gone gibbering mad with terror long since.

And if we were removed from the Imperium, if all I knew was left behind, my entire reputation, all those stupid, brash gambles were going to have been for nothing. If we did not move quickly, the guard would lose moral and possibly give themselves over to the xenos plan, becoming forever lost to the Light of Mankind. I straightened, and found new purpose in my steps. I may have pretended to be a hero and tried to inspire others before, but now it was becoming obvious my very life was going to depend on the facade I had built up over the years. Hopefully its foundations were not as shaky as I feared.

We neared the exit, and I immediately voxxed the fleet. "This is Commissar Ciaphas Cain with Inquisitor Amberly Veil of Ordo Xenos calling the Holy Fleet in orbit around Terrgor Primus. Come in."

A desperate voice responded. "Thank the Emperor! We thought we had gone mad! What's happened Commissar? What in the blasted warp have those bloody xenos done to us?"

"Who is this?" I said, putting calm I did not feel into my voice. "What is your situation."

"Captain Sammath Druun of his Imperial Majesties Transport Ship _Emperor's Wings, _Imperial Navy sir. Half the bloody feet has just fraking disappeared. There was a warp storm, and when it cleared everything was fraked up, and Emperor alone knows where we are." The desperate voice answered.

"Captain Druun, can you transfer me to your senior officer?" I said, hoping I could get a hold of someone with a better grasp of the situation then this poor sod.

"I am the bloody senior officer! Er, Commissar Sir. The only thing that's left up here is a few PDF light frigates, the _Victories Herald _cruiser from the navy, a few civvy vessels and that rogue trader* the Inquisitor showed up in!"

_*An unfortunate fact is that while not all rogue traders are inquisitors in disguise, a great many inquisitors are not bright enough to think up a more convincing legend. _

"Actually, Captain," Amberly cut in, "The _Lucre Foedis_ did not bring me. I arrived aboard the _Externus Exterminatus_, which is registered as _Emperor's Luck_ in your log. Captain Orelius is just an acquaintance."

There was the sound of some yelling in the background then the voice, a bit calmer now, came back. "Of course Lady Inquisitor, I see your broadcasting on the inquisitorial band. What are your orders?"

Ah, good old military discipline. As long as there was someone in charge yelling orders, the grunts would happily keep going until the world ended. But force one of those grunts to think for himself, and he devolved into hysterics. Clever of the xenos.

"Can we send a ship for aid?" Amberly demanded.

The captain laughed hoarsely in reply. "My Lady, we do not even know where we are. Despite the star we orbit having much the same characteristics of Terrgor Solus, its emissions are completely different, and all the stars surrounding us match no known position*. And the warp around here is so bloody calm I don't think we could get anywhere even if our navigator hadn't had her bloody head explode when that warp storm hit us."

_*We would later discover this was because in addition to changing universes, we traveled not just through space, but time as well, meaning all stars were in alien positions._

If my blood hadn't already felt like a brisk spring day on Vallhalla, I would have felt a chill down my spine. With no navigator aboard our only troop ship, the guard was well and truly trapped on Terrgor Primus.

"Thank you captain. Are there any eldar ships in the area?" Amberly asked carefully.

"To bloody right there are. They contacted us and offered a cease fire. I accepted, they don't appear to outnumber us, but were in such a bloody mess already I told them as long as they kept the frak away from us we weren't going to bother them." There was a pause, then an almost eager voice asked, "Shall we make an attack run Lady Inquisitor? I'm sure this whole mess is the xenos fault."

Amberly pinched her nose and I could tell she was struggling to keep the frustration out of her voice. "No, captain, for now play nice with the eldar. If they make any hostile moves, blow them out of the sky, but keep your distance and do not, I repeat, do not initiate hostiles. They have offered us an alliance, and at least until we straighten things out and the orks are dealt with, I see no reason to borrow more trouble."

"Aye aye ma'am. If we see any ork vessels, should we shoot those?"

I responded this time. "Captain, have you ever heard of the orks ever negotiating with anything other than shooting? "

There was a moment of silence, then, "No sir. We'll blow any of those green skins out of the sky."

"Good. Inquisitor Vail out." Amberly said, and cut the connection. She took in a deep breath and turned to Teela. "You appear to be telling the truth, Teela. I demand, here and now, you come clean with all your plans, or so help me I will see your people scourged from this planet if it's the last thing I do."

Teela had just finished confering her own people, and I think it was a testament to just how jarred she was that she looked vaguely worried, in an alien sort of way, herself.

"I had planned on deceiving you Inquisitor," She began.

"Don't try. I can smell it when witches lie." I growled, hoping my reputation would scare her just a little.

She stopped and started at me open mouthed for a minute, then burst out laughing. "After how grossly my plans have fallen apart today uel'ai, that would not surprise me. Very well then, the truth."

She pointed back at the ruins. "These are remains of a civilization unlike any we have ever seen before. The planet you call Terrgor primus appeared only 10,000 years ago, just as our race was falling and yours was rising. At first we dismissed it as simply an error in our records caused by the birth of She Who Thirsts, but upon further study we found ourselves mistaken. I will not lie to you, admitting my full plans or weakness to you sits poorly* with myself and my people, but even our foresight could not foretell just how successful our plans would be."

_*The understatement of the millennium. One of the reasons I had been so willing to believe Teela was just how frank and vulnerable she wa sacting. She was trying to get us to trust her, partly to manipulate us, but also because she actually needed us to trust her. Most eldar would slit their own throats before they were candid with a "mon'keigh."_

"That's nice." I snapped, my patience gone and my urge to simply kill the xeno and be done with it rising, "But what the frak WERE your plans?"

"Simply put, to go to a universe we could once again rule uncontested." Teela replied.

That, actually, made a bit of sense to me. The eldar were arrogant sods, even for xenos, and could make the finest of Imperial Nobility look downright humble. Them thinking they could scheme their way back to the place rightfully held by mankind sounded typical.

"We discovered whatever race had built these ruins came from another universe entirely. Their records showed they had traveled here, on this planet, then died. We believe they were wiped out when an ork Waaagh came through. This isy why when we began our excavations the ork population suddenly exploded on this planet. They were birthed by spores from the ruins*."

_*Orks are fungoid in nature, scattering spores upon their death that can grow into another ravening ork mob. That after 10,000 years those spores could still have a resurgence shows you just how hard it is to get rid of orks permanently. _

Of course. You could be the most snobby, arrogant, technologically masterful race in the galaxy, but none of that mattered when the green tide paid you a call, as the Emperor's servants had learned to their doom far too often.

"We realized this could be an opportunity to find a galaxy free of She Who Thirsts* and the... Other** races. But upon further contemplation we realized we would likely face threats such as the orks in whatever universe we emerged, and would need expendable soldiers and servants to provide manual labor. That, I regret to say, is the basis for our manipulations that brought you, your regiment, and the Inquisitor here Commissar."

_*The eldar name for the chaos god of excess_.

_**At this point I am nearly certain Teela was going to say "Lesser" but changed her mind. A sign of the profound change the eldar would go through. They have not quite given up their treacherous, backstabbing ways yet, but they do seem to actually consider other races from time to time. _

I shuddered involuntarily, and noticed Amberly looked sick* as well. The witch was being so open I now feared everything she had been telling me was the truth. She was admitting she had brought the guard along to use us, but that could be a plot to us to trust her so she could better manipulate us. I began to long for the simpler time when my conversations with xenos had consisted of us shooting at one another, and sadly not the last time I would think such thoughts.

_*Realizing everything you love and know has been stripped from you will do that to a woman. _

"Now however, things have changed. We thought to bring a mighty fleet, even an entire craftworld with us, but they appear to have been lost in the warp or simply did not make the transfer. I do not care to think how many of my brothers and sisters have perished in this venture, but there is still hope. This galaxy IS free of the taint of chaos, and it also appears to be completely free of any powerful warp using race. We cannot hope to succeed if we fight one another, but together we might be able to build a future for our respective peoples free from the terrors that plagued our own pasts."

Looking back, at this point I should have scooped Teela up in my arms, declared my undying love for her, and vowed eternal service. I really did not grasp how nice it could be to live in a universe where the enemy is a terribly obvious race of giant ships that have powers of mind control that would make necrons, tyranids, tainted eldar and especially the ruinous powers laugh themselves silly at how weak they were. Of course there was still the occasional hostile xeno race, but frankly, we brought the worse of the lot with us.*Of course, instead I drew my laze pistol and calmly said, "So explain to me why I should not simply shout, 'Suffer not the Witch to live,' and gun you down in the name of the Emperor right now. Sounds to me like you have made a fine mess of things."

_*And as the eldar have ceaselessly tried to explain, it was never their intention to lose the orks on an unsuspecting galaxy. Personally, I like to think the prissy little xenos simply are not as smart as they like to think they are. _

To my astonishment, and to be honest, to this day, I think it was the only gesture that could possibly have convinced me she was serious, she turned to her escort and said, "If he takes my life, do not seek vengeance. Ask for peace. Serve the uel'ai for a time if you must, but our people must endure, even if we must bear the yoke of servitude for a time." She then turned back to me. "If you demand my life for the pain I have caused your people, so be it. Only do not seek vengeance on all of the eldar, for many are innocent, and truely do want nothing but peace and new lives. Take my life as your price, then forge a new legacy for our peoples."

I stared at her for a moment, stunned. No witch, no matter how scheming, would ever imagine she owned a servant of the Emperor a life debt. I felt Amberly's arm on my hand. "Cain. Stand down. I hate to say it, but we are going to need them as much as they will need us."

She turned back to Teela, her blue eyes blazing in the fury I remember. "We will cooperate for now, witch. But if for one moment, for one second, I believe you have played us false again, our fleet will rain down fire and we shall not rest until this world has been purged of your filthy kind. You shall be allowed to serve so long as your lives serve Mankind and the Emperor. As soon as that service is fulfilled, your lives are forfeit."

"Very well. Let us go to your Command Center. Colonel Kasteen will want to learn her flanks are now secure." Teela declared.

"You can come. Alone. Any more is going to start a mutiny." I told her, putting away my laze pistol.

One of the nearby exarchs started and said something in her blasphemous language, which Amberly kindly translated for me.

"Farseer, do not go. All the others that walk the Path of the Seer have been destroyed by our journey, without you we will surely be lost. Do not let yourself be taken by the mon'keigh" The banshee exarch pleaded.

Teela shook her head and replied in gothic. "They are mon'keigh no longer. Our plans are shattered, and my brothers and sisters on the path of the seer were blinded by their own hubris* as was I. We did not realize just what the journey would entail, though we knew there were risks. We cannot have open war with both the uel'ai and the orks. If we do, we will be surely lost. The last hope of our people is here. We have escaped She Who Thirsts, but we have not emerged unscathed. On my signal, you will move to support the Imperial Guard. Do not close to firing range for either side to avoid... Accidents.**"

_*Why the eldar thought they could control a massive warp storm that would deposite them in an alien universe is beyond me. _

_**Or, in the case of the guard, dispensing of the Emperor's justice. _

We tromped through the ruins to where we had parked our chimera, and I called ahead to Sergeant Grifen.

"Sergeant, collar Magot* for a moment would you, and have your men stand down. We're bringing a... guest."

*_As enthused with general violence, and especially with the destruction of the enemies of mankind, having Magot restrained when we brought the witch into view was likely a good idea. _

There was a moments silence and a squeal of protest from Magot, then, "Alright sir, Magots playing nice, come on out." Sergeant Grifen called.

We stepped around the last wall into the view of the squad, and Teela raised her hands.

"I come in peace, as the captive of the Commisar. I mean you no harm."

The poor guardsmen* stared in shock for a moment, before Grifen let Magot go with a yelp and everyone pointed their guns at us.

_*Or, more accurately, guardswomen and one guardsman. _

"Sir, that's a witch with you." Grifen said calmly.

I sighed. "Yes. I know."

"Isn't the saying, Suffer Not the Witch to Live?" Magot growled, her lazegun trained on Teela.

Amberly stomped forward, flashing her inquisitorial seal. "Need I remind you I am the sworn Servant of the Emperor? For now, this witch needs live to better mankind. You shall not harm her until I tell you to. Is that clear, Corporal?" Her voice was sweet, but her eyes were blazing, and not even Magot was thickheaded enough to stand up to an inquisitor.

The ride back to the guards position was almost relaxing after spending so much time around the xenos, even with one cooped up in the tight space of the chimera with us and Jurgen driving. Everyone was very pointedly not looking at Teela as well as very carefully ensuring that their guns were pointed in her direction. The farseer had almost a meter*of space around her, and for once Jurgen had people crowded around his drivers position. Even his stench was at least familiarly human. We rode back in silence, uncomfortably glancing at one another.

_*While those familiar with the design of the chimera might think this impossible, we managed. _

In retrospect, I probably should have been impressed with the way Teela was handling herself, but at the time I just saw her as completely alien. Despite her isolation from her people, she remained calm and projected and air of authority and grace that we all found deeply disturbing. She had removed her helmet, and we could see her alien face, and I was not the only one trying hard to study her out of the corner of my eye. Despite myself, I had to admit she did have an air of exotic beauty that, if I was not careful, I knew could deceive me and destroy my soul for all eternity.

We finally arrived at the guards main encampment at the southern outskirts of the ruins, and were stopped by a grinning sergeant. "You made it back just in time Commissar, the orks are just starting their attack."  
I did my best not to grimace. That was just what I needed, the orks throwing their own gauntlet into the fray was the last thing I wanted.

"Well, you boys try not to hog all the fun, I've just got to nip over to give the colonel my report, then we'll see about showing the orks what it means to attack the Imperial Guard." I said, striking a pose from the chimera's hatch. The troops cheers, and we motored on through. If only I had know the walking manifestation of frustration and brash action* that waited for me at the command center, I probably would have simply said frak it and gone to enjoy the attentions of the ork horde.

_*As someone who has personally known Shepard, this isn't far off. _

**From the Journal of Commander Jane Shepard**

Walking through the guard camp, I immediately began to realize they were no simple merc outfit. For one thing, they were too damn big. Even the Blue Suns would have had a hard time getting this much gear and men together. For another, they were all human. Every merc band I've come across has a few turians, batarians, krogan, asari, and salarians mixed in, even if they are mostly made up of one species. But there were absolutely no aliens what so ever. Admittedly I'm as pro human as the next non-crazy, but I did find it a little disturbing.

And last of course were the funky outfits and gear. Merc bands as a rule, even really well equipped ones like Eclipse, have a hodgepodge of gear and armor. Everyone I saw had basically the same kit, with a few specialists with heavy weapons. This was obviously an efficient, organize force. Their uniforms were all the same too, and pretty weird looking. They all had funny looking fur hats and big heavy coats, even though it was relatively warm on the planet's surface. They all gave me funny looks at first, but I just walked like an officer who was on a mission, and no one got in my way. Nice things about grunts in any military, if you act like you should be in command, they will mostly assume you should be too.

My mind was racing, and I was starting to wonder if they came from where ever this world was originally from, but before I could make up my mind we arrived at the command structure, a large tent with some weird banners with what looked like wax seals attaching parchment to it.

My escort saluted and said, "This is the command tent, ma'am."

I returned his salute and nodded. "Thank you sergeant. Head back to the front, I don't want those aliens crawling up our ass."

"Yes ma'am!" The sergeant said enthusiastically, and hurried back.

I put on my "talk to me and I'll eat your fucking head" face, and strode into the command tent, saluting the guards.

Wow. Whoever these people were, they liked it fucking COLD. Even in my envirosuit, I felt like I was walking into a freezer. Then I spotted the icicles. Christ, what the fuck was wrong with these people?

A striking redheaded woman was standing over a glowing map display with a balding man. Both had uniforms so fancy that I half wondered if they expected to be in a parade. I took a deep breath and strode over.

"You in command her?" I demanded, pointing at the woman, who had the fancier duds.

She turned and eyed me coolly. "I am Colonel Kasteen, in command of his Imperial Majesties Ground Forces on Terrgor Primus. Just who exactly are you?"

His Imperial what? The only Emperor I knew of was the one back on earth in Japan, and I didn't think these fuckers looked Japanese.

"I am Commander Shepard of the Systems Alliance Navy. And I want to know just how the fuck your goddamn planet ended up here." I snarled, doing my best to pull myself up as tall as I could. I'm not short, but neither was Kasteen, and I found myself trying hard not to admire her figure. For a military woman, she obviously took pretty good care of herself, and that said a lot about her. Either she was a prissy usless figurehead, or she made sure everything always was at its best, even her own body. One was a pain in the ass to deal with. The other was still a pain in the ass, but at least your gear was good.

"The what?" Kasteen said, her face darkening. "Who let you in here?" Then she paused and studied me for a moment. "Did you just ask how 'my' planet ended up here?"

"Your damn right I did, colonel." I said. I was going to have to play this carefully. As a colonel, she outranked me by a couple of grades at least, though as the Alliance didn't have that particular grade, it was a bit murky as to exactly how much. "My ship was following its standard patrol pattern when this whole damn world popped right the fuck out of nowhere. One of the bodies orbiting your planet took out half my ships engines and disabled our FTL capabilities, and now we're stranded here. So why don't you tell just what the fuck is going on?"

Kasteen turned to the other officer. "Major?"

"Sounds like a local Regina. That warp storm must have dropped us in another system and the local PDF forces are investigating." The balding major replied. He was a hard looking man with grey eyes and plenty of scars, obviously a combat veteran and not some prissy academy grad.

The colonel turned back to me. "What system are we now in, commander? I would like to contact PDF command, we must alert them to the presence of ork forces in their system."

"PD-what?" I said, "I don't think you heard me. I'm with the Systems Alliance. You know, the governing body of humanity in the galaxy? Where the fuck have you bumpkins been, I've never heard of any colonies with a goddamn emperor, and certainly not any that could field a force this large."

Kasteen stared at me for a second, then slowly said, "You deny knowledge of the Emperor? Surely your system is not full of heratics that deny the light of the Emperor and the soverenty of the Imperium of Man."

Somehow, her mention of the Imperium of man sounded halfway familiar, calling way back to my childhood on earth and a rundown shack I used to peddle drugs out of when I was a kid.

"Did... did you say the Imperium of Man? Like... God Emperor Imperium of man? Space Marines Imperium?"

Kasteen nodded slowly, her hand reaching for her weapon. "Indeed I did. Do the adaptus astartes have a chapter in this world?"

Dim memories were stirring, memories of sweaty, unwashed men I sold red sand to while they rolled dice on beaten up felt tables.

I touched my comm link. "Joker, have you ever heard of Warhammer?"

There was silence for a minute, then a slight cough. "Um, what commander?"

"God damn it joker, have you ever heard of Warhammer 30k?"

"It's, um, 40k ma'am. And yes." Joker said, confusion obvious in his voice. "If you don't mind me asking, what the fuck does that have to do with anything ma'am?"

Things were starting to click. Those skull motifs. The funky looking uniforms. The green skinned aliens.

I looked up at Kasteen. "Those green aliens, those are orks, aren't they."

She looked at me like I had gone mad. "What else would you call the green skins? Of course they are orks." Then she went for her weapon, almost as fast as I did. Nobody is faster than Commander Shepard. She looked at the barrel of my pistol for a moment, then gave me a sardonic grin.

"You don't seriously think you can get away with drawing a weapon on Colonel of the Imperial guard? You may get a shot off at me, but you will be so full of laze bolts you will never get away." I already knew that every other gun in the building was pointed at me, but I needed time to think.

Fortunately, someone arrived to interrupt our Mexican standoff.

I heard a cough behind me, and a deep male voice said, "I'm not interrupting anything am I, Regina?"

She looked behind me and smiled. "Why no Commisar, you are not. We just found a traitor for you to execute." She gestured behind me. "Heretic, meet Commissar Ciaphas Cain."

Joker heard that over my open comm channel. "Ciaphas Cain, like Hero of the Fucking Imperium Ciaphas Cain?"

"Look." I said, very slowly as I kept my weapon on the colonel. "Some seriously weird shit is going on. I don't know who the fuck you people are, but apparently my pilot does. I'm going to put my weapon away. Then I will direct my ship to land as close to here as I can. Then we are going to have a nice talk about what the fuck a bunch of crazies that think they are from a fantasy world with space elves and orks is doing in my patrol route. Then, if I am having a good day, I won't have to kill anyone."

"The correct term is eldar, not space elves." A calm, lilting voice said behind me, and suddenly I had 100% less weapons pointed at me.

"WITCH!'" Broklaw shouted, and I turned sideways so I could keep my gun on the "colonel" and look behind me.

Well. Fuck me. A space elf. She had pointy ears, a long face, and weird looking makeup with a get up that would have made an asari think twice it was so overblown.

"You still look like a fucking space elf." I growled.

She made a small shrugging gesture. "And you look like an unevolved savage, but I am doing my best not to insult those whom I must now ally myself with. I would appreciate the same courtesy from you."

Fuck me. She made the asari sound reasonable too.

"Commissar, will you please explain why, exactly, you brought a xenos witch into the middle of my regiment." Kasteen coolly said.

"Actually, colonel, I think the lady with the gun on you might be able to explain that better than me."

All eyes turned to me. I sighed and put away my gun. "Joker, get your ass down here, double time. And get me a report on everything you know about Warhammer."

"Fantasy or 40k ma'am?" He asked.

"THE ONE WITH THE FUCKING SPACE ELVES!" I bellowed.

"That would be 40k. On it ma'am." I cut the link. Joker was a pain in the ass, but at least this time he might know something useful.

I turned around fully to get a look at this Cain character. He looked completely outrageous. If I had thought that the other officers were over dressed, this idiot looked he was ready for mardi gras. Though his outfit was all somber colors, the number of gleaming medals, the greatcoat, the embroidery, and for christssake, the man had a SWORD. Talk about ostentatious...

He arched an eyebrow at me. "I take it you're a native of this place." He stated.

I laughed in his face. "No, I'm from earth, stupid."

There was a hushed silence, then a blond woman came up to me. She was dressed in some sort of envirosuit, but it was covered in gold, wax seals, and iconography of some sort. Did these people not understand the meaning of subtle?

"You are from Holy Terra?" She asked quietly.

I gave her a strange look. "Holy what now? I told you, I'm from earth. You know, birthplace of mankind?"

"Then you must know of the Emperor!" The balding officer said, "How could anyone not have heard of the Golden Throne on Holy Terra?"

I gave him a funny look. "The golden what now? Humanity has no Emperor, except for some figurehead in Japan. The real power is the congress, prime minister and admiralty, not a bunch of dirt bound politico's on earth."

The human's looked like they were going to be ill, and the space elf spoke up. "It was as I told you," Wow, little bit arrogant there bitch? "We are in an entirely new galaxy. That humanity is present here is surprising, to say the least, but they would have no knowledge of your Emperor. For that matter, we do not know if the Emperor even ever existed here."

"But that's impossible." Kasteen rasped, "The Emperor has always existed, always guided humanity, from the time of the age of apostasy to the present, over ten thousand years."

Ten thousand? "Woah, lady, hold up there. Earth's history doesn't even GO back ten thousand years. Hell, citadel history only goes back about 2700 years, give or take a few decades. That's the first time any race became space faring."

"What? HERASY!" Broklaw yelled, drawing his weapon.

"Calm down Major." Cain ordered. "We are no longer in the Imperium. It would seem that warp storm has dragged us into a new galaxy, perhaps a new reality all together. We should be glad humanity waits to welcome us at all." A stunned silence met his pronouncement.

There was a moment of silence, then Cain spoke again. "You mean to tell us that humanity has only been among the stars for 2700 years here?"

That made me laugh again. "Oh, don't we just wish that. No, the asari, you know, the prissyest race in the galaxy? They made it to the citadel 2700 years ago. We've barely been on the galactic stage for 26 years, barely longer then I've been around."

This was met with more stunned silence, even from the space elf. The humans look like their favorite relative had just died. "Hey," I said, trying to lighten the mood, "If it makes you feel better, we came onto the stage by kicking the turian's ass so hard the stick they have shoved up there almost fell out."

The humans all seemed to brighten a bit at the pronouncement. "So humanity is indeed the dominate race in the galaxy?"

The space elf looked worried at that bit, as if she had eaten something especially bitter but didn't want to complain about it.

I sighed. "No. We've gotten a lot more respect lately, what with our pulling the Council races bacon out of the fryer. Fuckers still don't give us our due, but we do have one of the most powerful fleets and we currently have the biggest clout politically, but that could change at any moment. Really, the asari are the most advanced, the turians are the most militarily powerful, and the salarians are the most annoying."

I was starting to realize the full impact of what these people were telling me. They were apparently from some other world, one that existed as some sort of children's game in a retro gaming shop from my troubled childhood, and they had absolutely no fucking clue what this place was like. My first reaction was disbelief, but then I remembered seeing this planet appear literally from nowhere. Maybe the tech to travel between galaxies or universes or whatever was common where these idiots were from, but it seemed impossible even for the reapers to pull off. Then there were these two alien species. The orks looked pretty primitive, and it was possible, though unlikely, an intelligent race that was planet bound could have been missed. The space elves were different. They appeared to have some sort of knowledge of what was going on, and that spoke of a level of sophistication that the council would have picked up on.

I listened as Cain started to explain that the eldar witch had somehow guided the planet they had been on through a warp storm, whatever that was, and that they had popped out here. I couldn't help but notice the woman he was with was being suspiciously silent, and giving him odd glances that the military types were not picking up on. The space elf was agreeing with him and offering explanations that made fuck all sense to me, but something was obviously wrong. Cain was pretty clearly a smooth opperator and the others were buying the load of shit he was feeding him hook, line and sinker, but I had seen his type before and wasn't interested.

A call came over their radios when the Normandy landed, apparently they weren't used to ships sneeking up on them like that, but the colonel gave her permission to land.

"I better radio for the rest of my crew to drive over to the Normandy in our APC, can you get them permission to come through the camp?" I asked the colonel, and she nodded and I told Garrus to get his ass over to the Normandy's landing pad. He complied without asking to many questions, for that I was grateful.

I trooped over to the landing pad with all the rest, trying to figure out what the hell we were supposed to do. I needed to radio Alliance Command and let them know we had a whole planet of humans and unknown aliens from God only knows where, and I needed to figure out just how to deal with these people that were human enough but whose knowledge of the universe was so strange as to be totally alien.

The mako rolled up just as we arrived and the Normandy, and Joker hobbled down the ramp. There were gasps as Garrus stepped out of the mako, and the surrounding humans shouted something about "xenos" "heretics" and "witches" whatever that meant. Cain shouted them all down and got order restored, and Liara was next out.

I walked over to her and kissed her. "Sweetie, you have no idea what they hell we've gotten ourselves into." I whispered to her, holding her close, then realized complete silence had fallen over the landing zone. The only sounds to be heard was the quiet rumble of the mako, the hum of the Normandy's engines winding down, and the distant thunder of battle.

I put my hand in Liara's and turned to see all the strangers staring at me, and Joker with his palm smacked firmly on his face.

"Commander, ma'am, that was just about the worst thing you could possibly have done." Joker muttered.

What the fuck was wrong with these people? Couldn't a girl kiss her girlfriend?

_Author's note: Wow. You know, I was sorta hoping this would get a positive response, but everyone has been so overwhelmingly supportive I will continue to post chapters much faster then I originally intended. I'm not going to hold this story captive, as long as there are people who want to read it, I will make sure it gets regular updates. That said, what really motivated me to post an update this soon was the number of reviews I got, so keep them coming and tell your friends folks! Either way, CC&CS will continue to update._


	3. Chapter 3

_I myself looking back must remark that our outlook on the cosmos before the Departure was one that was tainted by hubris. My brothers and sisters had always valued ourselves above other species, and while I and nearly every other being in this galaxy does hold the opinion that those that share their blood are more valuable than the species that do not, the spirit of cooperation and acceptance for others that permeates this galaxy is one that I believe will allow us to continue to overcome all obstacles, no matter what form they take. Our future is open. May our paths through it be blessed. -Farseer Teela Ithwix_

When I saw Shepard kiss the hideous blue xeno*, I felt my blood run cold. This was what humanity had come to? Consorting, nay, frolicking with the enemy? The xeno that Commander Shepard had kissed did look rudimentarily human in form, her armor concealed a lithe form that if it were not for the blue skin and bizarre head tentacles, could have belonged to an attractive young human. But those cold, calculating inhuman eyes, the hideous, distorted head and the way she bore herself would have screamed to any thinking human that she was a xenos, an enemy of mankind and something to be exterminated instead of caressed.

She seemed to sense our displeasure, and she turned to face us. My lip curled when I saw she held the xeno's hand like it was some sort of totem to give her comfort.

"Commander, ma'am, that was just about the worst thing you could have possibly done." The human that had disembarked the ship muttered.

I glanced over at him. He was human enough, though his clothing was odd, flimsy fair that didn't seem well suited for space travel. The vessel they had debarked from was tiny by Imperial standards, and its construction was flimsy and smooth, lacking in any sort of protective warding against the demons in the warp, or the comforting blocky lines of good human work. I checked myself, remembering that according to Teela, there were no demons to be found here. The look of the vessel, more than the witches words, convinced me of that.

"The fuck are you staring at." Shepard growled.

Amberly slowly drew forth her bolt pistol. "You are clearly enthralled by that xenos, heretic. Emperor or no, as an Inquisitor, it is my duty to purge such uncleanliness." With that, she fired. I must say, I wasn't going to stop her. Perhaps a through purging was just what humanity in this place needed.

Something happened then, and if I had thought about it a bit more deeply, I think it would have told me a great deal about the nature of a galaxy that exists with no Ruinous Powers, no warp to speak of, no necrons, no constant war and terror. At the time it merely shocked me into thinking clearly enough to consider my own hide in the near future. After all, summary execution of one of their officers would not be looked upon kindly by the other humans in this galaxy, and despite our superior resolve, equipment, faith, and humanity, we would have been snuffed out like a match being pinched. But the strange metal xenos had intervened. He saw his commanding officer fired upon, and, loath though I am to say it, with as much courage as any guardsman, stepped in the line of fire.

The bolter round impacted the right side of his face, tearing through the invisible shields his primitive armor provided him with enough force to rip into his metallic flesh then exploded, tearing his face apart.

"GARRUS !" Shepard screamed, going for her weapon. But the blue xenos apparently had no need to draw a weapon.

With a swift movement, she caused the gravity where myself, Amberly, Regina, Ruput, Teela, and to my utter astonishment, Jurgen, who had been quietly tagging along in the back, were pulled into the air helplessly.

There was a lot of yelling, and suddenly I found myself flung onto my back. The nearby guardsmen had taken cover or were frozen by the xeno witches** power.

"Stand down!" I roared, getting to my feet. "All of you calm down and stand down! Inquisitor, do not fire upon them again, no matter how disgusting their habits, we are in their galaxy now. While I will execute any guardsmen who consorts with xenos in such a manner myself, until we are in a better position to understand how this galaxy operates, we must consider ourselves guests in their home and not take it upon ourselves to force the Emperor's light upon them until the time is right!"

I looked around, panting, and Amberly rose and reluctantly nodded, muttering what I assumed was an apology***, and the guardsmen muttered their reluctant acknowledgement of my orders.

Shepard appeared to decide that my declaration was enough for her to see to her companion, and rushed to the dying xeno's side, waving a glowing orange hand over him. I thought at the time Shepard herself was a witch, and wondered if perhaps the Ruinous Powers existed her as well, though later I would learn it was a simple holo-projection of her omni-tool administering first aid.

"FREEZE YOU UGLY SONS OF BITCHES!" A female voice roared, and I looked up to see a squad of armed humans descending the ramp, led by a soldier in white and pink armor. The contours of the armor were vaguely pleasing, and her face was not unattractive.

The guardsmen near me drew their own weapons, held in check by my orders, though they looked at Regina to see if she would countermand my orders.

"Order the troops to hold fire." I hissed at her.

"What the frak are you doing Cain, the Inquisitor is well within her rights to purge such vile, treacherous behavior." Regina hissed back, struggling to her feet.

I took a deep breath. Fundamentally, I agreed with Regina and Amberly. If it wasn't for my razor sharp instincts for self-preservation, I probably would have happily killed Shepard on the spot right then and there. Of course, if I had known the headaches Shepard was going to cause for me in the future, I might have done it anyway, self-preservation be damned.

"I agree, but the second we start killing this strange human Empires officers, they are going to start raining hellfire down on us. From the way that ship evaded detection from us and the poor state of the Holy Fleet in orbit, not to mention this heretics description of human power here, we can assume they could easily blast the navy out of the sky then leisurely slag this entire planet with us still on it. If there is to be any hope of giving the xenos is this place a good taste of the Emperor's Justice, we are going to have to play nice."

I could see Regina's eye's narrow as she thought things over. As one of the most gifted officers I have ever met, Colonel Kasteen could rapidly appraise the tactical and strategic situation we were in now that she had mostly sufficient and accurate data as well as any savant. To my relief, she came to the same conclusion as me.

"Stand down men, the time for the purging of the unclean in this galaxy is not yet upon us." She yelled, and the guardsmen reluctantly lowered their weapons, though they did not let their guard down.

I felt a great deal of tension lift for my shoulders, and I realized that despite the need for long term security, I had been very close**** to being purged myself. Only the trust and loyalty that the guard had to my personal self kept them from killing me along with the heretics before us. If I had been the kind of Commissar who ran about bulling his way through things instead of inspiring loyalty through trust and affection, mostly for misblamed heroics, I would have died then and there and the 597th Vallhallen would have been doomed to be consumed in the fire of an orbital bombardment, and the galaxy with them.

Regina turned to me, her face and eyes as cold as her native planet. "You had better be right about this Cain, or by the Emperor I will see you dead for trying to corrupt us."

Keeping myself composed, I nodded coolly. "If I cause the faithful to stumble, I will sign my execution order personally."

"I'll hold you to it Cain." Regina growled, and stomped off, shouting orders for the guardmen to form a perimeter.

Reluctantly, more because I didn't want to get to close to such a vile, misguided heretic as Shepard was then because it was personally embarrassing to have to negotiate with her, I walked over to where Shepard and a medical team from her ship were treating their fallen comrade. The soldiers guarding them nodded politely to me, obviously appreciative that I had saved them and their commander. I returned the gesture, fighting back the bile in my throat at consorting with humans who obviously thought of xenos as one of their own.

Shepard looked up at me and growled, "Thanks." Before turning back to her injured xeno.

The blue xeno and the sickly pilot approached me. "Thank you, I believed you saved us from being slaughtered there." The xenos whispered, and instead of the grimace I felt I smiled at her.

"Just doing my duty to the men. I didn't do it for you and yours."

She nodded as if she accepted my words. "None the less, you have my thanks, and Shepard's as well, if she gets around to it."

"Uh, Liara, you might not want to stand to close to him. The Commissar here probably thinks you're a demonette or something." The pilot said, nudging the xeno aside. She looked at him in puzzlement, but acquiesced and backed away.

I studied the man before me. He was short, and walked as though he were some sort of cripple. I knew the space born were prone to mutations due to their exposure to the warp, and hoped that he was not an abomination.

"Commissar Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium?" He asked, looking up at me as if I had stepped right off a recruitment poster. Which, truth be told, after seeing the pictures this world had of me later, that wasn't far from the truth.

"Indeed I am. How have you come to know of Emperor and his servants in this land of blasphemy and xenos?" I asked, trying my best to be cordial. Perhaps he was like us, spun out by the warp into a strange land I thought. I should have know that whatever false deity ruled our new home wasn't quite so kind as to send us so able a guide.

"Uh, no. Not exactly. I read a book about you." The man coughed, and looked embarrassed for some reason I couldn't fathom at the time.

"Ah. One of the books about my campaign on Perlia?" I asked. Quite a few accounts existed of my actions during the Siege of Perlia, though I was admittedly puzzled as to how they could have ended up in an alien universe.

"Er, yeah. And a few other things you did. Are you guys really from the Imperium of Man?" He seemed to be studying my great coat, and I stretched up to my full height, which compared to this slouched unshaven man was quiet impressive so as to better display all my medals and commendations.

"Indeed we are my man, though we have come to this strange land at the hand of xenos, we will spread the light of the Emperor and serve humanity in His glorious name." I really hated playing the Emperor botherer, but with so much heresy around it was a pretty easy hat to put on. I was making such a convincing performance of it, I was almost making myself feel better.

The man winced at that. "Yeah. We're gonna need to talk. Later. When the Commander ain't so pissed."

He hobbled off and I had a vague feeling of discomfort as I turned back to the commander who was finished administering first aid to her companion. She made right for me, and stabbed a finger into my chest, and though I had to look down to see her face, it almost felt as though she was standing over me.

"You are DAMN lucky that shot just wounded Garrus. I have half a mind to take that overdressed bitch into custody, even if she's an inquisitive or whatever." Shepard snarled at me, and I took a moment to study her more carefully.

Though her features were distorted with rage, she was obviously a beautiful women. Her shoulder length blonde hair hung loosely about her shoulders, and accented her features. Her eyes were icy blue, but they sparked with passion and anger. Her... Assets were not small, and her form fitting body armor would have been quite appealing if it was not for the obvious rage she was directing at me, and the fact that she apparently consorted intimately with xenos.

"And you are lucky I do not have you all executed for heresy. It is well within my authority as Commissar." I said coolly, trying not to let her get to me.

"You better get down off that horse your riding pal, this Council space, and I'm a SPECTRE, not to mention that this is human controlled territory, meaning as the ranking Alliance member I am in command here, not you, and not your Colonel."

My eyes narrowed. "Where ever we are, this world is under the control of the Imperial Guard of his most Divine Majesty on Terra. That, and the fact that the guard outnumbers you and your men more than a hundred to one***** means that you had best behave yourself, or your precious heretic navy will find only corpses when they arrive. I can only influence Colonel Kasteen so much, step too far out of line and I will have to execute you myself."

Shepard glared up at me for a few minutes, then growled. "Fine. For now, we do this your way. But so help me, one more incident like that, and I will fuck you up."

I extended my hand, and it was almost like making a gesture of peace to an ork, abet one that could actually speak gothic.

"Then we have a deal. Welcome to the Imperial Guard, Commander Shepard."

_*Cain is obviously speaking with the view he held at that current moment, I have not seem him turn down asari attentions nor fail to find them attractive in the last few decades. Admittedly, I was just as repulsed as him at the time._

_**Actually, as we would later learn, Liara had no connection to the warp, but was a biotic. The similarities between biotics and pskyers abilities are minor at best, though Cain continues to refer to most biotics as psykers or witches to this day._

_***Actually I was threatening to murder him and the witch in their sleep, but Cain didn't need to know that._

_****Within a hair's breadth. I myself almost killed Cain then and there, and only my personal trust and fondness of him kept me from killing him._

_*****Not quite. Even with all the support staff and members of the Mechanus we had landed with us, there were not more than 2,000 servants of the Imperium on Terrgor Primus, and only about 1,600 of them were members of the 597th. This was with the regiment at full strength, it had just been resupplied and received its replacements._

**Journal of Commander Jane Shepard, Alliance Navy**

Don't ever tell anyone, but I hate losing people. A shocker, I know, considering what I did on Torfan, but I remember all those names. Getting 3/4 of your unit killed isn't something you do lightly. Those batarians HAD to die, a message HAD to be sent. Every single one of those marines gave their lives for a reason. And I did not want Garrus to die for a stupid one.

I didn't know why, but for some reason me kissing Liara really pissed off the wacko's from another world. I mean, they had a fucking space elf RIGHT THERE. You cannot tell me that at least some of these crazies did not want to get in her pants. At least that was always how it had been in every steamy, trashy romance novel I had ever read. But when that bitch pulled the gun and shot at me, I think I realized that I was seriously not in Kansas anymore. These freaks might look human, but they made the terra-firma party look downright rational.

Thank God Dr. Chakwas was there, even with medi-gel there was not much I could have done, I'm a halfway decent medic but I'm no miracle worker. Lucky for Garrus, he's just going to have a rather dashing scar instead of pushing up daisies.

Props to this Cain character though, I hated to admit it but he was throwing me a bone. He obviously found me and my crew distasteful, but he was trying to work with us, to save us. So when he stuck out his hand, as much as I just wanted to shoot him, I shook it.

"Fine. For now, we do this your way. But so help me, one more incident like that, and I will fuck you up."

He smiled at me then, and it was a dangerous smile. This tall man from another planet might be dressed like a clown, he might have a fucking sword, and he might be one of the biggest bullshiters I had ever set eyes on, but Ciaphas Cain was one of the most dangerous people I have ever met. And I had to respect that.

"Then we have a deal. Welcome to the Imperial Guard, Commander Shepard." He said, and the glint in his eye told me I had just gotten myself into a whole lot of trouble. Fuck.

But we had work to do. I pointed to the battle in the distance. "Alright, it sounds like we got problems. Tell me everything you know about the orks. Act like I'm an FNG."

Cain raised an eyebrow at me. "An FNG? That wouldn't be a TLA*, would it?"

It was my turn to raise an eyebrow. "Your military likes its TLA's then?"

Cain gave me a wry smile. "Indeed. Well, since you're the fraking new guy-"

"Girl." I corrected. Damn, these guys were xenophobic AND misogynistic. Where ever they came from was pretty fucked up, or at least as backward as turian views on krogan.

"Girl," Cain allowed, "What you need to know about orks is there can be no negotiating. With some xenos, like the eldar or tau, there can be temporary truces, momentary alliances, neutral ground and to a degree, reasoning. You cannot negotiate with an ork. They live for war. Their entire culture is built around it. They live, breath and die for nothing else. They are monstrously strong, almost as strong as an astartes and can cleave through power armor with crude tools. Their weapons may seem primitive, but I assure you that does not make them less deadly. They will not, cannot stop until they or their foes are dead. They will come at us like a green tide until we or they are wiped out."

I eyed Cain for a minute. What he was describing was what the galaxy though of the krogan as. After getting to know Wrex, I knew that while their reputation was well deserved, the krogan COULD be reasoned with. Like any species that had been kicked around for a thousand years, they usually shot first and asked questions never.

"Has anyone ever bothered to try to negotiate with the orks?" I demanded.

"The Commissar speaks the truth, uel'ai." The space elf said, coming towards us.

"I'm a what now?" I growled. Just the way she spoke, the way she carried herself, oozed arrogance. She made want to punch her even more then Al'Jilani had.

"It's supposedly a term of respect." Cain dryly remarked, and I could tell he tensed up just a bit as the space elf came near him.

Well, excuse me. She only made it sound like a slap in the face.

"I do not know you, uel'ai, but know this. I have negotiated with other humans. I have negotiated with the tau. I have, once, even negotiated with followers of the Ruinous Powers. Orks cannot be reasoned with. They cannot be negotiated with. They can be manipulated, if you point them at a large, strong foe, or plenty of loot, they may charge into battle and leave you behind. But as soon as they have slaughtered the other foe, you can be sure they will come back for you."

I squinted, then turned to Joker who was standing around looking uncomfortable out of his pilots chair. "Is what they are saying true Joker?" I demanded.

"Well, I have to admit, things are a little different then what I saw at the retro gaming shop, and I was never really into orks. But from what I know about them, yeah, you can't really talk to them. They're not like the krogan or any other species. They're barely even sentient."

I mulled it over. A warrior race would be a useful tool in the fight against the reapers, but I would rather work with humans and, if I had to, space elves. And besides, I had opened first contact by shooting at them. Granted, they had been shooting too, so the feeling was probably mutual.

I made my decision. "Alright, how do we stop the orks."

"We kill the Warlord." The space elf replied.

"How do we know who that is?" I asked.

"He will be the biggest, ugliest, loudest ork." Cain remarked dryly. "Probably with the largest weapons too."

I cracked my knuckles. "Well then, this sounds like fun. Let's go find us a warlord."

Author's note:  
Thanks so much for all the reviews everyone! Sorry for the exposition storm, but now it's time to get serious! The next few chapters will more or less be "Shepard in the 40K Universe" before we move to "Cain in the ME Universe."


	4. Chapter 4

_'Des 'er gits ain't so much. Dey gots humies, an metalhide, an blueskins an de squishy ones and dem 'ard lads. But dey ain't never seen da boyz before. Dey ain't never had a roit and propa waaagh! And we's 'er to give it 'em! Dey think dey can krump us, but it's us thats gonna krump dem, see. 'ER WE GO! - Nob Blugah Stompins, recorded STG surveillance . _

I could feel my hands tingling, that ticklish sense I got whenever I was about to be thrust into a situation where only certain death awaited me. I could tell this strange human woman was completely serious in her quest to take out the ork warboss. She had absolutely no idea how insanely dangerous her proposition was. I had gone toe to toe with an ork warboss on Perelia, and it was not an experience I ever wanted to live through again. Only the Emperor's own luck had kept me from getting killed, and I was fairly certain that a second round was all too likely to end in the orks favor.

The worst part of it was, I was out on a limb here. I had already staked my reputation on preserving this Commander Shepard's heretic life, and I was on the proverbial thin ice. Kasteen was going to be watching me like a hawk for a reason to have me disposed of for heresy or any other reason, and refusing to agree to Shepard's insanely dangerous plan was a sure way to get myself killed. Naturally, when faced with certain death at the hands of the colonel and only nearly certain death from the orks, I was forced put on a brave face and do what my reputation doomed me too.

"An excellent idea Shepard." I said, giving her my best and most dashing grin. "With their leader gone the threat of the orks will be greatly diminished."

She nodded, a thoughtful look coming over her face. "How many orks would you say stand between us."

I had to remind myself she knew literally nothing of the greenskins, and that she was the babe in swaddling clothes. I thank the Emperor that we didn't have the ruinous powers here to deal with as well. "Oh," I said, trying to give my words a casual air, "Only about fifty to sixty thousand of them."*

_*This estimation would turn out to be disastrously low, though I am sure Cain intended it to be shockingly high._

Shepard's eyebrows rose at that. "Are you serious? There are what, maybe a thousand of your troopers here? Did you expect to take them on outnumbered fifty to one?"

"Why of course." I replied matter of factly. "Those are rather poor odds for the orks after all."

That made the xenophile laugh. "Well, you poor bastards might be stupid, you might be racist, but damn do you have balls."

The witch stepped up. "There are over a million of my own people here. Many of us are weakened, but we should be able to fight."

It was my eyebrows turn to rise. There the witch went again, admitting weakness. It was uncharacteristic. "You know as well as I do witch that a direct assault on the orks would only improve their moral."

The words were out of my mouth before I realized what I had just done. Having the eldar as expendable shock troopers was a novel concept, and while I was reluctant to trust the xenos it was better to have them getting shot by the orks then to have myself be shot at by them. I narrowed my eyes. Teelah was not being as forthcoming as I had thought. She had said that for the express purpose of manipulating me, knowing I couldn't resist showing my superior knowledge to stick it to her. So the witch had not changed her stripes after all. I couldn't decide whether that was reassuring or disturbing.

"Indeed." Teela nodded. "We must be circumspect in our approach."

"A quick blow to decapitate the bastards then." Shepard said, her eyes flashing. "Do we have a general idea of where this warboss is?"

"No." I said, almost sighing in relief, until I heard the witch.

"Yes." Teelah calmly stated.

Emperor's bowels. My palms itched again, and I knew it was about to get into yet another life threatening boondoggle.

"Where?" Demanded Shepard, her eyes blazing.

Teela brought up some sort of projection from a silver orb she held out. "Here." She pointed at an area I knew was absolutely swarming with orks. "In an abandoned dig site, deep underground."

"Rules out orbital bombardment." Shepard mused, studying the projection. "Would they be smart enough to guard the front?"

"Do not mistake the orks simplicity for stupidity." I snapped. "They may not be the brightest, but they have a great deal of base cunning and a savage intellect for traps and ambushes."

Shepard frowned, then tapped another series of ruins near the ork stronghold. "What about this? Are they connected?"

I looked at Teela. She nodded. "They should be, though that area is a maze we have not yet mapped out and is sadly immune to our attempts to use scrying to obtain a workable map. Perhaps this would be an ideal situation for your famous subterranean navigations skills Commissar."

Damnable xenos. She was trying to get me killed, I was certain.

Shepard studied the map then nodded. "A small team would work best for this sort of work. My mako can hold three people and can be dropped nearly from atmosphere. That means me, Liara and you Commissar."

She smiled at me then, a predatory grin that nearly gave me the chills. While I may outwardly pretend to love combat and glory, I got the sinking feeling Shepard was one of those fools that actually did enjoy it. In my experience, it was best to stay as far away from people like Shepard as possible. But I rather doubted that would be possible.

"I am not going on a suicide mission with your xeno lover." I growled, trying to figure out a way to both get away from the mad xeno-phil and come up with a plan that was less likely to get me killed.

"Then may I suggest that I accompany the two of you? My own people have a stake in removing the threat of these orks." Teela smoothly suggested.

Shepard glared at me and looked Teela up and down. "Can you fight? In your fancy get up space elf I would think you were getting ready for a fucking dance then fighting."

Teela took a deep breath. "I assure you mon'keigh, I am fully capable of defending myself, even with the warp as calm as a glass sea. I once walked the path of the warrior, and though I am no longer a true warlock, I am as capable of dealing with the orks as any other on this planet."

I schooled my face into a neutral expression. Even the depraved* eldar found this Shepard's display of affection disgusting. Though she too was a xenos, I was more comfortable with the enemy I knew then the xeno that seduced humans. From what I had seen of the blue witch, she was surely Saleeshi in nature, and I shuddered at what she might seek to do to my soul. Though speaking from what I know now, while my interpretation of asari as Saleeshi in nature was rather accurate the complete lack of influence from chaos made it irrelevant.

_*Though Cain was and is perfectly aware of the distinction between uncorrupted eldar and those that serve the ruinous powers, like most in the Imperium as far as he was concerned one was nearly as bad as the other. _

Shepard turned to back to me and demanded, "Well, can the space elf fight?"

I had a brief moment to wonder what the best outcome for me was. Truth be told the which was surely a deadly combatant, especially if she was a former aspect warrior and warlock. I had seen the carnage even a simple howling banshee could due to a line of Imperial guardsmen unchecked and I knew the orks would fare no better. I wanted a way to get Shepard to bring Jurgen with me, as his steady aim and melta gun would be far more welcome then the xeno witch of either stripe. But as I had already decided, better then daemon I knew then the daemon I didn't, and I was not comfortable around a xeno that had already seduced one human.

That attitude would prove to be one of remarkable naivety, and if I had known the level of cross species mating that existed, I am sure both the eldar witch and I would have happily killed every single one of the Normandy's crew and been happily killed by the avenging fleets rather than be transformed from what we were at that moment.

With more then a twinge of regret that I could see no way to bring my faithful aid along, I managed with a wry grin, "Yes, I believe the "space elf" can."

Shepard's grin reminded me unsettlingly of a khornite cultists. "Well then, let's go fuck up some orks."

**Journal of Jane Shepard, Alliance Navy**

I have to admit, while I was slightly disappointed not to have Liara at my side, the thought of her being safe back at the Normandy was a comforting one. Granted she was still in danger from these fucking loonies and their rabid xeno phobia, but one thing at a time.

Sitting in the mako with a space elf in her gaudy battle armor that looked almost like a paper mache outfit for a party, and a "commissar" that had on a get up fancier then any dress uniform I had ever seen was a little weird and I couldn't help but feel underdressed. For christsake, it made that tacky pink and white armor I had found Ashley in look downright subtle. My N7 gear was in the dark greys and soft blacks of a real fighters gear, but it looked even more muted next to the loud outifits these idiots were wearing.

"Ok, one last time Joker, go over what you know about the orks." I muttered into my comm bead.

God. Fucking orks. I felt like I needed a sword and a chain mail bikini instead of an assault rifle and kinetic barriers.

Joker sighed and I could hear frustration in his voice "Well, from what I can remember Commander, they are big and strong. Think krogan but dumber and meaner. They like to close to melee like krogan two, but don't try to engage them, they could rip Wrex in half if even a fraction of what I remember about them is true."

My pilot was clearly reaching far back into his memories, and I would have bitten his head off if I wasn't trying to remember half forgotten things myself. How the hell was I supposed to have known that those fat nerds in the basement of that old retro gaming store were talking about forces I would face in the field instead of fantasy space elves and death angels in power armor? It was almost absurd, until I remembered the size of the hole in Garrus's face that had been created by what appeared to be a side arm to these people. If we hadn't been completely outnumbered and cut off I might have tried to retaliate, but I had to swallow my pride and be diplomatic.

But oh, that bitch would pay. I was going to make sure of it. I would strip her of everything she was and laughed as she wandered dark and alone*. No one fucked with my people. No one. It was a rule I had learned back in the slums of earth. Your crew was family, and when push came to shove, they were all that mattered. Sometimes you had to spend their blood to get a job done, but you never wasted it, and you never let anyone escape after they had wounded you. The baterians on Torfan had learned that to their sorrow, though their lives had been brief once my troops got their hands on them.

_*As loath as I am to admit it, Shepard succeed remarkably well in this, though not in the way she probably was thinking of._

"Got it. Stronger then krogan and twice as stupid." I muttered.

Joker laughed nervously. "Yeah, that's about right, but they are more dangerous too. Don't count on your shields to save you commander."

His advice was right on the money, and if it hadn't been for the fact that my first combat experiances on earth were without the benefit of kinetic barriers, I was likely to have died as quickly as most of the poor bastards that fought the orks in the two years to come.

I checked my tactical display. "Thirty seconds to drop." I reported to my erstwhile companions.

The elf only nodded and continued her wierd meditations. The human frowned at me from his fire controls.

"Are you sure this machine has been consecrated? I see no holy sigils and I don't know the proper prayers to it, your magnus didn't mention any to me when she showed me how to use it."

I let myself smile underneath my helmet, and I noticed a faint flicker of amusement from the elf.

"Oh, positive, we consecrated it ourselves with holy oils just the other day." I said blithly. Joker had counseled me to forgo that our "consececration" had been done by a turian. As funny as it would have been to see this Cain fellow lose his shit, I wasn't about to do that as we dropped into a hot LZ.

Cain muttered something and flashed a gang sign with his hand. I raised an eyebrow at him but kept quiet.

"Mark." Joker's voice said, and the mako started its decent toward the ground. No sooner then we released then the entire sky lit up with anti-aircraft fire.

"Joker, what the fuck is going on? Have they spotted us?" I demanded as we fell toward our drop zone.

"Uh, no ma'am, I don't think so. None of their fire is directed towards us." Joker replied, going into that serious robot mode he did when shit got real.

"Then who are they shooting at?" I demanded.

"No idea ma'am, I'm bugging out though, even though they are not aiming at the Normandy there's an awful lot of fire."

"Your ship would be safe if the damned orks were aiming at it." Cain advised me.

I bit down a nasty remark. What sort of idiot thought he was safer if someone WAS aiming their way? Though I guess that showed I had a great deal to learn about just how fucking stupid the orks were.

"Do we proceed mon'keigh?" Teela the space elf said, still in her meditative stance.

"Stop calling me a monkey elf girl. And yes, we do." I growled, and guided the mako over to the ruin entrance we were looking for.

A few orks were nearby and started yelling and screaming at us and firing those large caliber chemical propelled rounds at us, but despite his unfamiliarity with the mako's gunnery system Cain proved to be a deft hand at it and quickly took out the pickets.

"Everyone out." I ordered.

"Is it wise to leave our vehicle so exposed?" The elf asked, her voice dripping smug superiority.

"The VI will fire at anything that isn't us that approaches." I explained, glad to get a one up on her. "And around here, that means the orks. Besides, they seem to busy shooting at whatever has got their panties in a twist up high. Any other questions ladies?"

There were none, and we trekked into the ruins. I passed the lead slot to the commissar. Evidently he was supposed to be some sort of underground homing bird. His senses were evidently either good or her was a fine hand a bluffing, and he pointed down a passageway and whispered. "That way."

We moved in silence for a while. The orks had evidently been down here and not found much of interest, because it was mostly deserted. I was just starting to get cocky when we heard gutteral voices from the next passage way.

"Shhh." Cain needlessly hushed, and I rolled my eyes. No one was going to start shouting for the orks to come find us.

We peeked around the corner and I was struck for the first time by just how BIG the orks were. They were easily over 2 meters tall. A bunch of smaller orks that were less then half as big were scattered around, watching two of the big bastards having a shouting match. They were the only two big orks around, and I found that I could half understand what they were saying, though it sounded like bastardized English.

"I'm da biggest, so Iz da boss!" One shouted.

"No ya ain't, Iz da biggest, so IZ da boss!" The other bellowed.

They were all pretty tightly packed, so I decided that I was going to make an entrance.

"Stand back, I'm using a grenade." I whispered to my companions, and threw the explosive disk into the crowd of orks.

"Wots dat?" One of the little ones screamed, before my explosive blew him and several of his companions through the air.

"Oh that's just fraking great!" Shouted Cain, "They'll all have heard us now!"

"That was not a wise move mon'keigh." The elf said, drawing out a funny looking sword to go with her staff.

"Less talking, more shooting!" I ordered, though I could already see that perhaps that had not been the wisest course of action.

Normally, when you detonate a grenade in an enclosed space like a underground passage, the sharpnel makes mincemeat of who ever was in the general vicinity. As it turns out, orks are tougher then your average krogan, and instead of being reduced to bloody rags, drew out, I shit you not, fucking AXES and charged us. Seriously, in this day and age, who uses melee weapons?

Apparently I was the only one who had discovered the obvious truth that gun beats sword, because Cain drew forth his own blade. I discovered I had been wrong. Cain did not have a sword. He had a fucking CHAINSAW SWORD. What the hell was wrong with these people. To add to the ludicrousness, he had a fucking LASER PISTOL. That's right, the gun I had assumed had either been another chemical propelled kind like that bitch had used or a proper mass accelerator weapon, was instead a directed energy weapon. Oh, I had seen laser weapons before, but they were HUGE with giant energy demands. The idea of a laser strong enough to kill a man with, could be fired as many time as Cain was blasting away, and fit in his hand though was revolutionary. I would have paused to consider the ramifications of such a weapon if I hadn't been more concerned with the orks trying to smash my face in.

They had fucking lasers pistols, and they were still fighting with swords. What the fuck.

As the orks rushed nearer, I began to realize that maybe these folks had the right idea with melee weapons. The orks had no kinetic barriers or armor to speak of, but they were shrugging off my assault rifles rounds like they were NOTHING. I focused on one, managed to bring him down with over a dozen shots to the chest while the shots from Cain's laser pistol brought down the other. Cain and the space elf made short work of the little orks that charged us with their swords.

The remaining little orks shrieked, "Da boss got krumpt! Let's run!" and took off, and I tried to calm myself.

"Well." I said, watching as Teele unceremoniously wiped the ork blood off her sword. "I guess they are tough bastards."

Authors Note:  
I've been getting quite a few questions about the power ratio between 40k and ME, and I will say right now that everything that the 40k side has is grossly overpowered compared to what ME has. That said, ME weapons are not totally useless as this chapter should hopefully show. I welcome feedback and input on the power ratio, but keep in mind that some of it is going to have to be bent for the sake of the story.

That's partially why only a tiny fleet and a single guard regiment along with a boat load of eldar civilians are here, to keep them from easily conquering the entire galaxy. Even the disproportionately large number of eldar guardians and aspect warriors to the civilian population could never hope to conquer all the races of the galaxy, they are just too heavily outnumbered. If say, an entire chapter of astartes or a whole craftworld or a few dozen guard regiments had shown up, that would be a different story.


	5. Chapter 5

_THE ALLIANCE NEEDS YOU! ORKS MENACE OUR COLONIES, AND ONLY YOU CAN HELP PROTECT YOUR LOVED ONES FROM THE GREEN TIDE! ORKS HAVE ALREADY RAVAGED A DOZEN WORLDS, AND YOU'RES MAY BE NEXT. DON'T LEAVE HUMANITY HANGING, SEE A RECRUITER TODAY!_

_-Popular broadcast following the Ork Incursion._

I checked the orks, you could never be quite sure if an ork was dead until you burned its corpse*, but Shepard's little display did seem to have panned out for her. At the very least, I didn't hear the sounds of any more orks howling toward us, the dull thunder that we occasionally still heard over head might have had something to do with it, but I wasn't certain.

_*Burning ork corpses as many know is perhaps the only way to prevent their invasion from reoccurring due to their fungal nature. _

"Emperor's bowels Shepard, what inspired you to use a flash bang on orks?" I growled.

"That was a frag grenade. Tough bastards, aren't they." Shepard grinned at me, swapping a fresh mag into her weapon.

I did my best not to let my dismay show. If that was the best explosive her people had to offer, it fell far short of what the Imperium issued to her troops. It had killed a few gretchen certainly, but a piddly little thing like that wasn't much more dangerous than the firecrackers juvies launched on Emperor's day, and hadn't done much more then irritate the orks.

"Think I better switch to incendiary rounds, my armor piercing rounds don't seem to be that effective." Shepard remarked, pushing a few buttons on her weapon.

"Whatever you do mon'keigh, do it swiftly," Teelah snapped, "We should press forward, even the brutish orks may take notice of the noise."

"The xeno is right, we need to keep moving." I grudgingly agreed, and strode off in the direction that the Warboss's headquarters lay.

We marched in silence, thankfully we didn't encounter any more orks. Whatever the commotion had been above us seemed to have drawn the orks out of the catacombs. For some reason, thinking of it made my palms itch. I pushed down my instinct to turn tail and run back to Shepard's vehicle, I couldn't be sure that the tunnels were clear, and I had no intention of taking on a patrol of orks on alone that may have come behind us.

We finally arrived underneath the warboss's base, and I wrinkled my nose. The stench of orks was everywhere, along with crude drawings and clan markings depicting Emperor alone knew what.

"Where are the fuckers?" Muttered Shepard. She had lowered the visor on her suit and was filtering out the smell I was sure, an enviable position.

"Keep silent mon'keigh, the orks are crafty, and may have laid a trap for us." Teelah hissed.

I wasn't quite sure, but I thought I saw Shepard stick her tongue out at the farseer as she turned away. Perhaps she was even more juvenile* then I thought.

_*A certain level of pettiness can certainly be attributed to the commander, though I have myself at times felt like doing the same to aliens on occasion. _

We slowly made our way to the surface, and my palms positively tingled with suspense. The whole process took hours, as we carefully crept from room to room. Shepard wanted to go faster, but I managed to convince her that stumbling into a den of orks was certain suicide, even if we were seeking the Warboss. We finally reached the exit to the surface, and I peeked around the doorway, and drew back.

"Every fraking ork in creation is out there," I rasped.

"Let me take a look." Shepard murmured, and stuck her gun around the corner. "Goddamn."She gasped.

I nodded. We carefully stuck our heads out, and beheld what looked like a moving green tide. What looked like every ork on Terrgor Primus was moving toward the east, away from the Imperial lines.

"The orks are up to something." Teelah stated, "They would never run away from a fight."

"Maybe they don't want to fight anymore, you're boys and girls kicked their ass pretty hard yesterday." Shepard offered, staring out at the migration.

"Orks never retreat Shepard." I snapped, irritated that once again I was agreeing with a xenos. " They withdraw to regroup or to attack another target, but they never just give up."

"Then we've got to find out what they are up to." Shepard said, squinting at the horizon.

I felt a chill run down my spine. Wherever the orks were going, it was away from me, and wading through an ocean of green bodies was the last thing I wanted to do. But whatever the orks were up to, I was stranded on Terrgor Primus, and if they discovered some warp-begotten artifact that let them wipe out all life on Terrgor Primus or something similarly cataclysmic, I would be just as dead as if I was hacked to pieces.

"We're going to have to stay out of sight." I heard myself say, and I felt once again fate cruelly drawing me into yet another disaster.

"Obviously." Teelah stated imperiously, managing to look down her nose at me somehow, despite being a full head shorter than me.

"That ridge over there should offer us some cover, and there doesn't appear to be any orks on top of it. Perhaps we can see where they are going from there." Shepard said, and started off without waiting to see what I had to say about it.

I glanced at Teelah and rolled my eyes, and for a moment I thought I saw a spark of laughter in her eyes before we crept off after Shepard. The ridge was about half a click to the north east, and it towered about 100 meters over the plains below us. It was devoid of orks, which were funneling into the valleys and moving as fast as they could for their unknown destination. I could see the nobs* shouting orders and beating the other greenskins into greater speed, but none of the orks seemed to be staying behind or arguing for long. For their species, it was a disturbingly coordinated movement.

_*Bigger, meaner orks that take the role of officers in an ork horde. _

After an eternity of creeping along, I crested the rise and pulled out a small pair of field glasses.

"What in the name of Holy Terra is that?" I mumbled.

In the distance, what looked like a mountain battered by scorch marks and explosions lay on the plain. The orks were clearly making their way towards it, and from what I could see, were even going inside it somehow.

"It is a vessel of some sort." Teelah stated, her xeno eyes peered into the distance unaided.

I was about to snap a remark about the idiocy of her statement, but I stopped and took a second look. Though it did indeed appear to be made of rock, it had metal parts attacked, and what could be engines were pointed more or less at the ground. Orks were swarming over it, and I could make out tiny sparks from what had to be repair crews.

"That must have been what all the anti-aircraft fire was about last night." Shepard murmured, her own eyes glued to her own field glasses. "Whatever it is, it doesn't look like any ship from any species I know of. Look like anything familiar to you?"

I glanced at Teelah and she slowly shook her head. Looking at the ship again, I wracked my brain for what it could be. It certainly wasn't a large ship by Imperial standards, only the size of a cruiser or perhaps a battlecruiser. It certainly looked large enough to transport most of the orks on Terrgor Primus, though I had no idea what it's capacity might be.

"We're going to have to take a closer look." I said, kicking myself for my accursed image. "Whatever it is, it's got the orks interested, and that's bad."

"I'll radio the Normandy to pick up the mako and drop it off below us. We should be able to keep clear of the orks and get close enough to get a clear picture of what it is."

I felt a small spark of hope within me, and I suggested, "Why not just have her do a fly over of the ship?"

Shepard chewed her lip for a moment, then shook her head. "No, she's still crippled, and I don't want her going close enough for the orks to take another shot at her."

I nodded, my spirits sinking. It was a perfectly good reason, but it meant that once again, I had to charge into danger.

It took almost half an hour for the Normandy to pick up the Mako and limp to our location, and by that point the orks had all cleared out of our immediate vicinity. That should have made my insticts relax, but for some reason with every passing moment an impending sense of doom grew in an icy ball in my stomach. I voxxed the Holy Fleet in orbit and told them to make their way to my position, but from what the captain told me that would take some hours. Most of the ships engines were damaged, and they didn't want to move to a position that might compromise them to the eldar fleet. Teelah seemed to be giving similar orders, but despite the neutral expression on her face I got the sense her own captains were giving her similar excuses.

The Normandy finally passed overhead, dropping the APC just below the ridge. We scrambled down, and though it was surely a heratic machine, I was grateful for the protection it offered. I also had to admit that Shepard made Jurgen's driving look as terrible as it was, even over the rocky terrain we moved smoothly, barely kicking up a cloud of dust. I turned my turret to look at the strange ship, and prayed to Him on Terra that my instincts were wrong.

_Journal of Commander Jane Shepard, Alliance Navy_

Ever since I had seen the giant rock-ship the orks were heading for, for some reason my instincts started screaming that some serious shit was about to go down. I try not to rely on my gut too much, but the last time it had told me things were going to be this bad was when I shot Saren off his smug perch in the citadel. He had proceeded to reanimate as some sort of Reaper killer cyborg and nearly killed me and my entire team. Somehow, I had a feeling that whatever the orks were up to was going to be far worse.

"Do you recognize this alien mon'keigh?" The space elf demanded, and brought up an image from her sensors.

Despite my hatred of her calling me a monkey and her superior attitude in general, I had to admit she had taken to the mako's sensor suit rather well, and was using it like a pro. I glanced at the image and nearly put the mako into a full stop I was so shocked.

The image was of a bug like alien, it's gut ripped open my some sort of projectile and yellow ichor was dried in a pool around it.

"Jesus Christ, I think that's a collector!" I exclaimed.

"A what?" Cain demanded from his perch on the gun.

I grimaced. "A race of rather mysterious aliens that hide out somewhere beyond an unmapped relay. They're pretty interested in genetics for some reason. Every once in a while they come out and offer to trade some of their tech for 100 left handed humans or 50 pairs of volus twins. No one knows why, and their tech is usually years ahead of anything we've got, so some chump or other takes them up on it. What they are doing here though..."

I left it hanging, and a grim silence crept over the mako.

"So that was what the light show was last night." Cain growled.

"Do you think the orks could use the collector vessel to take them off of his world?" Teelah asked coolly.

I chewed my lip for a moment, then nodded. "Yeah, probably, if they could figure out how to work it. Their tech's pretty durable, but its strange, so hopefully the orks would take a while to figure it out.

There was an uncomfortable silence. "Don't you fuckers tell me the orks are some sort of technological geniuses. You said they were as dumb as dirt."

"In a way." Cain hesitantly explained, "The orks are none too bright, but they do have a remarkable affinity for technology. They have been known to repurpose Imperial or xenos tech in a remarkably short period of time."

Suddenly Cain's comm piece squawked to life, and a moment later the space elf cocked her head as if listening to something.

"What? What's going on?" I demanded, snarling in frustration.

If the orks got off of this dirt ball, it would be bad, but not catastrophic I was sure*. There were only a few thousand of them, and at worst they would raid a few colonies or devastate a system or two before one of the fleets caught up to them and blasted them to slag. Collector tech wasn't THAT much better then everyone else's.

*_Which only goes to show just how severely the orks would be underestimated. _

"A fleet of xenos ships has arrived in system and is proceeding toward the planet. It has a rather large amount of vessels from what I can gather." Cain answered.

I felt a surge of hope. Perhaps it was the Alliance, or even the turians or the asari. They could sort out the orks in no time flat.

"Can you show me a vid of them? I should be able to identify them." I said, pulling to a stop behind a small dusty hill.

Without warning Teelah placed her hand on my head and images flooded my mind. I saw the ships in detail, and my heart sank.

"Oh fuck." I groaned. "It's the batarians."

_Captain's Log, Rear Admiral Yolo Go'tori, Hegemony 1st Fleet, recovered from the Battle of Terrgor Primus_

"There. There it is. Just where they said." Sensor officer Bal reported.

Rear Admiral Yolo Go'tori grunted as he peered at the screen. There it stood, in plain color, a world that should not even exist. It had appeared on sensors only a few hours ago, suddenly popping into space. If the first and eighth fleets hadn't been conducting combat exercises in dark space so close to the system, only a few light hours away, the Hegemony would not have known for months or even years yet that it was there. It was an unremarkable system, with no planets to speak of before now.

Once it had been proven it was not a system error, Yolo had seized the initiative and ordered both fleets to make their way to the system at top speed. If the Hegemony could lay claim to this world before anyone else, who knew what they would find? Untold riches, strange technology to be sure, and a thousand other things that could bring the arrogant council races to their knees.

Yolo barred his teeth in an evil grin. His for the taking. Glory for him alone. He was sure to secure a promotion from this, and the wealth and power that would come from a discovery like this alone might even be enough to land him the coveted position of Secretary of War.

"Sir! We're picking up multiple ships." Bal interjected, "Their profiles don't match any known configurations."

Bal rubbed his chin. "Bring them up on screen."

Several ships appeared on the screen, and Bal blinked all four of his eyes in surprise. Some of the ships looked like overly ornate buildings, flowing with structurally superfluous towers and symbols. They were blocky in construction, but so gaudy in build and coloring that they looked more like childrens models then warships or even pleasure vessels. The others were sleeker, but were those... Sails? Bal almost laughed. Sails, on ships in space?

He glanced at the tactical display, and a hungry grin split his face. His ships outnumbered them almost 12 to 1, and though a few were the size of dreadnaughts, by the look of them they were pleasure vessels or so pointlessly ornate in construction they would never be able to stand up this fleet.

"Whatever they are, they stand between us and our prize. Signal the fleet. Destroy them all. We can salvage the wreckage. Don't let any of them escape."

_From, "The Invaders from Another Dimension: A Study of Terrgor Primus and its Inhabitants", by Dr. Rilk Tobar_

The batarian fleet's destruction can hardly be called a battle. The massive favor in tonnage that the batarians had, at the time one of the most powerful fleets in the galaxy, and the element of surprise combined with finding their opponents trapped in a gravity well, should have resulted in a clear victory from every conventional standpoint. However, as this battle clearly demonstrated, traditional kinetic barriers were utterly ineffective against the armament of the eldar and Imperial fleets. This combined with the previously unknown compounds that armored the eldar and imperial ships, and it becomes easy to see why the battle was so utterly one-sided.

The initial bombardment of the batarians caught the ships in orbit of Terrgor Primus off guard, but not unprepared. They had detected the encroaching ships moments earlier on sensors that they were just restoring from damage sustained in coming to our galaxy, and at first the ships were understandably confused as to what their response should be. After they took several hits however, the eldar and imperial's reacted swiftly and quickly began to blow the batarians to dust. The batarians were not even maneuvering, simply staying still in order to maximize the effectiveness of their own shots. A lucky hit from the batarians in the first bombardment managed to destroy an imperial vessel, and the batarians commanders were suicidaly emboldened by this fact.

While the sheer number of batarian vessels made their destruction a lengthy process, it was the utter refusal of the batarian command to believe that they were losing an engagement where they so clearly outnumbered their foes that lead to the near total destruction of their forces. The battle was not entirely in the eldar and imperials favor, and the batarians did manage to destroy a dozen more vessels, six eldar and eight imperial ships, all smaller vessels with poorer armor that succumbed to the sheer volume of the batarian's fire. However, the loss ratio was ridiculously one sided. Once the dust finally settled, the batarians had lost a staggering six dreadnaughts, twenty eight cruisers, and over fifty frigates and an untold number of fighters. The batarians only turned tail and ran once the flag ships of both fleets were destroyed, and Admiral Yolo was recorded as screaming, "You only live once fools, keep firing, the planet will be ours," mere moments before his ship was caught in the blast of a pulsar lance and was utterly destroyed.

The true tradgety though of the action was not the destruction of the batarians, but the opening their destruction created by drawing away the eldar and Imperial fleets.

_Authors Note_

Well, it HAS been a while since I updated, hasn't it? No, this isn't dead, I am just busy. This story will continue with sporadic updates, until I can once again turn out chapters faster.


	6. Chapter 6

_*MOST SECRET SPECTRE EYES ONLY* BATARIAN FIRST AND EIGHTH FLEETS DESTROYED STOP_

_89% EFFECTIVE CASUALTY RATE STOP _

_ALL FIRST AND EIGHTH FLEET DREADNAUGHTS DESTROYED STOP_

_UNKNOWN PLANET WITH FLEET ORBITING STAR G-32U RESPONSIBLE STOP_

_YES I KNOW THERE IS NO PLANET THERE STOP_

_THERE IS NOW STOP_

_LONE SHIP EVACUATING PLANET UNABLE TO INTERCEPT STOP_

_GODDESS HELP US ALL STOP END_

_Tela Vasir, initial burst transmission to the council regarding Tergor Primus. _

Chapter 6

Journal of Commander Jane Shepard, Alliance Navy

As I looked over the ridge at the ship, I had to admit it was a big bastard. Easily a kilometer long, and with god alone knows how many of those orks on board.

"So mon'keigh, what is the plan." The space elf hissed in my ear.

I frowned. Somehow, my usual plan of "run on board and blow it up." Didn't seem to be such a great idea. Ships of this size usually had explosions large enough to shift tectonic plates, and while in space that wouldn't matter, I didn't feel like escaping in time to be swallowed by a baby volcano.

"Do you know how to cripple a ship of this make?" The commissar growled in my other ear.

They were making it hard to think, and this was hard enough as was.

"I don't know dick about the collectors ships, and I probably know more about them than almost anyone else you could ask." I hissed back, "But eezo drives all work pretty much the same way. I think we could probably find a way to keep her from taking off."

"Then we must sneek aboard and stop them. Orks are a pestilence, if they get off this planet they will be a scourge upon this entire galaxy." Cain snapped at me.

Right right, scourge on the galaxy, yada yada yada. For fucks sake, we already had the Reapers to deal with. The galaxy did NOT need another coming apocalypse, though frankly I didn't see how the Orks could be any worse than the Reapers.

Which just goes to show you, even as someone was smart, talented and gorgeous as me can be very, very fucking wrong.

"Alright, there looks like an access hatch over there, if we make a run for it, we can probably sneak aboard and find a way to disable the engines or the life support or something else vital from there." I finally said, pointing to an opening that was being ignored by the orks.

"Good, I will conjure a veil for us, we should avoid the notice of the orks." The space elf whispered.

"Right, we go in three, two, one-"

And the world shook. Whoever was piloting that ship had decided now was a great time to take off, even though there were still several hundred orks trying to get aboard. They were just lighting off their engines in a pre-takeoff heat up, but it was enough to fry the nearby orks, and if we hadn't been ducked down behind the ridge we would have become rather liquidy ourselves.

There was no time. If they fully ignited those engines, the ridge wouldn't be enough shelter. I grabbed the popinjay and the witch and hauled them the 10 paces to the mako and threw them in, scrabbling in behind and shutting the door. I hauled myself to the driver's seat and put the pedal to the meddle.

It didn't do me much good, the engines fully ignited and the ship began to lift off, throwing the mako end over end and sending us tumbling around inside. The shields drained like a sucking chest wound and I blacked out.

I came two just a few minutes later and shook my head, scrambling outside. I lay on the ground, choking and coughing while my compatriots piled out behind me and retched in the dust with me.

"Emperor's bowles," Cain choked, "The orks are off planet. Can we signal the fleet?"

"My communicator is smashed." I wheezed.

The elf closed her eyes for a moment, then her eyes slid open. "The fleet is still engaging an unknown force."

Fucking four eyes.

"Well, then I think I'm just going to pass out for a bit then again." I managed.

Cain grunted, and the elf slumped back to the earth. This was turning out to be such a lovely day, I could just puke.

After the orks absconded with the strange vessel, I awoke a few hours later with a blessedly human face hovering over me.

"Finally awake are you? You took quite a tumble there, and I daresay if you hadn't been in the mako I would be collecting you with a sample jar."

I groaned. By her accent, it was one of the humans that Shepard had brought with her. That's just what I needed, medical treatment from a heretic.

"The orks?" I managed.

The woman shrugged. "Gone. They escaped in the confusion caused by the batarians. You woke up just in time though, a joint turian and Alliance fleet have showed up and are radioing your ships. Apparently, whoever this inquisitor Veil is, she's in a fine humor and negotiations are not going well."

Great. Amberly could be diplomatic when she wanted to, but backed into a corner she fought like a Valhallan Ice Specter.*

_*A rather dangerous ambush predator from the homeworld of the 597th, and a description I will choose to take as a compliment. _

"Where is she?" I groaned, forcing myself to a sitting position.

"You should take care sir, the doctor here said you took a nasty fall."

A familiar stench wafted into my nostrils, and I turned to see Jurgen crouching beside me, proffering a steaming mug of tanna. I snatched it out of his hands and sipped at the hot liquid, feeling a bit of life seep back into me.

"The 'Inquisitor' is onboard the Normandy, using our communicator to talk to the fleet." The doctor answered, and a felt a quick jab in my arm, "That should help with the pain enough for you to be able to talk to her."

I felt the drugs circulating, and combined with the tana I felt almost human again. With Jurgen and the doctors help I managed to get to my feet and hobble the few meters to the landed Normandy. A few guardsmen were eyeing the Alliance soldiers suspisiously, as well they should. These might not be the vile forces of the ruinous powers, but any heresy was the road to damnation.

"You know Gunner Jurgen, I could probably do something about that psoriasis if you let me." The doctor casually remarked as we hobbled aboard.

"Er, no thank you." Jurgen mumbled.

"Really, it's quite treatable, and if we gave you a good rinse and a few medications we could clear your problems right up, they can't be comfortable." The doctor persisted.

Jurgen just grunted. I had to say though, I was mildly shocked at the offer. Jurgen was a blank, and usually people avoided him like the plague, mostly because of his smell and general disorderliness, but also because of his lack of psychic presence. Before I could further meditate on this, I heard Amberly's cold voice.

"We already destroyed one of your pathetic xeno fleets, what makes you think we should allow you onto the sacred soil of one of the Emperor's worlds?" Amberly demanded , standing on a raised platform above a map of the galaxy. It actually looked fairly similar to what I had seen before from countless displays, but yet again I was struck by the unnaturalness of the scene. Where were the servitors, the holy icons, the astrogators? All was smooth, shiny metal, more reminiscent of the Tau then of anything made by humanity.

"Because you are in Council space, whatever jurisdiction your Imperium or Emperor of Mankind has, we have not heard of them." A human voice patiently explained.

"That's right," A strange, almost metalic voice like that of the xeno I had shot continued, "And as such we have a right to know what exactly you are doing here. We are not your enemies, and we could easily be allies. Humanity is a respected and valued member of the galactic community, and unless I am much mistaken, you are a representative of that species even if you claim independence from the Alliance."

Galactic community? Bile rose in my throat. I was still determined that I was not going to get destroyed by these heretics or their xeno friends.

"We have no need of your galactic community. We are warriors of the Emperor, and by the Throne, I will not see us corrupted by your filth!" Amberly declared. She was in full power armor, and I had to say cut a rather imposing figure.

"And how long do you think you can last on that planet?" The human broke in, "From what I've gathered all you have is a military presence. Where will you get food, medical supplies and munitions? We can supply you with all those things, all we ask is a sampling of your technology and a sharing of how exactly you got here."

I scrambled up next to Amberly, expecting a glare but instead getting a sigh of relief. I wasn't the only one unnerved by dealing with humans who knew not the Emperor and allied freely with xenos.

"Truth be told, we don't know exactly how we got here." I said with I hoped was a dashing grin, but was probably more of a grimace of pain.

"Ah, and who is this?" The xenos voice asked.

"This is Commissar Ciaphas Cain of the Imperial Guard and my most trusted advisor." Amberly answered for me. She nodded to where the invisible voices were coming from. "This is Admiral Stephen Hackket of the Systems Alliance and Admiral Regulos of the Turian Hierarchy."

Excellent. Navy types. While I had nothing but the utmost respect* for the Holy Fleet, Naval types in general tended to talk and think in rather different terms then a ground pounder like myself.

_*Insomuch as Cain had respect for anything but his own well being. _

"Admirals." I said amiably. "You should know that while Amberly has full authority to speak on behalf of the forces of the Imperium, we are currently sharing this planet with not only your Commander Shepard," I managed to say this without blanching, "But the forces of the Eldar. Their leader is incapacitated at the moment and while we would be happy to allow you to bring in supplies for us, they may feel slightly differently."

I gave a wink to Amberly, and she nodded. That should buy us a little time until Teelah recovered so we could sort out what to do with this mess.

"I am in fact now well, Uel'ai and can speak for my people."

I relfexivly flinched. Trust an eldar to arrive just at the right time to frak everything up and then drop a mysterious one liner.

"Perhaps our path has brought these others to us."

I groaned. And I thought the ecclesiarchywas bad for pithy one liners.

"You would be willing to share your technology with us?" The turian asked almost breathily.

Teelah's eyes narrowed. I almost smiled. Never make a bargain with an eldar if you can avoid it, you always end up with the short end of the stick, no matter what you think.

"Yes, in exchange for certain concessions from you." Teelah answered coolly.

"What concessions?" Demanded Hackett. Maybe he was the wiser of the pair.

"A place on your governing body, choice of three planets from your territories to settle on and claim as our sovereign dominion, rights to construct as many ships of war as we desire, favored economic status with any trade organizations you possess, and pledges of aid should any of our possessions or people come under hostile attack, and the gift of sufficient transport to get all of my people off this planet as well as supplies for the new colonies."

"Done." Snapped Hackett. Perhaps he wasn't that smart after all.* "As long as you provide us with engineers and schematics to any and all of your weapons and defense technology."

_*In retrospect, it should be obvious that Teelah could have asked for anything short of rule of the Council and the citadel races would have granted it. Teelah should have perhaps waited to hear from her ship captains to realize just how superior our technology was to anything this galaxy had to offer, making the value of her offer incalculable for Hackett. _

There was a moments silence, and Teelah replied, "It shall be as you ask, though we reserve the right to hold back schematics for our most powerful weapons and ships."

"Agreed," Declared Regulos. Again, no hesitation.

The sudden shift in alliances shook Amberly visibly. She had probably been counting on the eldar stores and civilians to provide food for humanity. Myself, I was wondering just how smart it would be to make an alliance with the idiots who just handed the eldar whatever they wanted on a platter.

"And what offer can we make you, Inquisitor Veil?" Regulos asked, sounding rather amused.

Lines grew on Amberly's brow, and I could tell she was thinking furiously. Being stranded on this planet was the last thing we needed, as before long we would have no ability to bargin at all. At this point she likely knew that the meager Imperial forces were likely more than a match for any fleet the Council races could throw at them, but there was a catch. There would be no reinforcement for us, and the Council could keep sending ships until they drowned the superior might of the Holy Fleet in sheer hostile tonnage. Once high orbit was held, there would be little the guard could do but accept whatever terms the council felt like dictating.

"We will offer our services as ork fighters and veteran combat troops in exchange for serfs to provide for our needs here on Tergor primus. Naturally, you will have to provide us with transportation to any combat zones and provide us with pay for the troopers. In addition, I am sure I can provide you with a few weapons schematics and salvage rights to a few of our vessels." Amberly finally offered.

"Partially agreed Inquisitor." Hackett said after a moment, "We have no serfs, but we can provide you with laborers to assist with your needs provided you treat them properly and not as slaves."

Amberly and I exchanged glances and nodded. Not every world we had visited had a servile cast, and while the idea that there was no such cast in the Alliances worlds was silly, we could allow the political grandstanding.

"As long as they are all human." I added in, and Amberly grimaced. She hadn't thought of that, and the last thing we needed was more xenos traipsing around.

"That shouldn't be a problem." Hackett assured us.

"Excellent, when can we expect these supplies?" Teelah butted in.

I frowned at her since she was interrupting again but it seemed to bother her about as much as a buzz fly.

"We can provide you with initial supplies and relief efforts, and transpiration to the citadel for your leadership as soon as we can get a transport cleared down to your position." The turian admiral declared, "Additional support can be here in 48 hours, though fully honoring our bargain might be a matter of weeks or months depending on just how many ships we are going to require."

"I'll let our captains to allow you passage to the surface." Ashley said, right on top of Teelah's "I will authorize your passage immediately."

The two glared at each other, and the level of haughty in the room soared to new heights. Amberly might not be a match for an eldar in sheer arrogance, but she was giving it her best shot.

"Excellent. We'll have commander Shepard come along since you are already familiar with her and her... Methods." Regulos said.

"Expect the shuttle within the hour, and relief efforts soon to follow." Hackett added, "Fifth fleet out."

I glanced at Teelah and rolled my eyes. She nodded grimly. Just when I thought I was out of Shepard's manic reach, the galaxy threw another curve ball at me. Holy Terra, was I ever going to get any peace?

Authors Note:

After a rather extended period of silence, I am back! Updates will continue to be sporadic, but even if you don't see any for a couple months fear not, I have not forgotten this fic.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

A red sun blazed in the background as a man quietly sipped from a glass, staring with inhumanly blue eyes at the light of the giant. Ice clinked into the side of the glass as he slowly swirled the fluid, gazing at it as if he could see answer to his quandary. He pressed a button, and after a moment a woman in a skin tight suit slinked across the bare floor.

"Yes?" Miranda Lawson asked.

"What do you think of the reports we are getting of a stray planet?" The Illusive Man asked without preamble.

"It's intriguing, the military ordinance they have…" Miranda brought of an initial report of the Batarian fleet casualties, "According to this they destroyed most of the batarian fleet with minimal losses. A force like that could come in handy against the reapers."

"You don't know then." The Illusive Man lit a cigar and began to puff on it, tilting his head back and blowing smoke rings.

Miranda waited a few moments, then said in disgust, "Don't know what?"

"Where they are from, naturally."

Miranda threw up her hands. "How could you possibly know that? They haven't even been formally acknowledge by the Citadel! Even the salarians don't have a real idea of where they are from."

"You're asking the wrong people." At the touch of a button, the leader of Cerberus brought up an image of a double headed eagle that slowly rotated.

"That's one of the insignia's they use, isn't it?" Miranda asked, stepping closer.

Nodding, The Illusive Man head up a book, old and worn with dog eared pages. On the front was the picture of a warhammer with a winged human skull on the front and a spiked shield in the center.

"In the Grim Darkness of the Far Future, there is only War." Miranda read, then opened the book and paged through it. "This can't be right; this was published on earth more then 100 years ago!"

"It is right. You have no idea the expense that was gone to get me that book so soon." The Illusive Man told her, stubbing out his cigar. "It's a collector's item."

'

Miranda continued to page through, reading furiously. "If this is all true, if these people really did come from this book…"

"Then the Reapers are the least of our concerns. In particular is the fact that they are led by an Inquisitor, and that they claim to have both orks and eldar with them. That could be very bad for humanity."

Miranda scowled. "But most of them are humans, are they not?"

The Illusive Man shook his head. "No, in fact, most of them are eldar. The humans though, those are what interest me. If we can convince them to share their technology, bolster humanity…" He trailed off, sipping at his drink again.

Miranda stopped at a picture of a "lasgun." She let out a sharp gasp after reading its description.

"Then humanity will be able to assume it's rightful place." The Illusive Man finished, then turned is eerie gaze on Miranda. "I have a mission for you, Operative Lawson."

_From the journal of Commander Jane Shepard, Alliance Navy_

For such a pretty place, I really hate the citadel. It might be the fact that before their tragic demise, the council ignored me and tried to take my ship. It might be all the nosey reporters that just won't leave me the fuck alone. It might even be the incredibly annoying VI program they have to show around tourists. But if I am really honest with myself, it's because I don't feel safe there.

All the crowds, all the myriad unknown passages, the fact that it's actually built by the Reapers, and most of all, the politicians. Nothing can blind side a soldier faster and get her killed quicker then a bunch of politico's with an idea. Whether it's stripping you of your rank because someone's niece got caught in the crossfire or sending you on a pointless suicide mission because they have a hard on for "results" politicians drive me up the wall.

Which is why when I had the chance, I cleaned house and put a real man in charge of things. Captain Anderson is one of the very few people who I would trust to do a good job of things unsupervised. The others would probably be Urdnot Wrex and Liara, and maybe Admiral Hackett. Of course, he's Council Anderson now, head of the newly formed, human led Council. Unfortunately, human led is turning out to, at best, be first among very pissed off equals. Like we didn't save their asses when Saren went rogue and buddied up with an ancient god of destruction.

"This is your body of government, blue one?"

"Yes, it is farseer. It was first discovered by my people, the asari. When the salarians arrived, we formed a galactic government. Later we were joined by the turians, and now humanity. Together, we try to guide the galaxy on a course that is best for all."

"Emperor's bowels, you can't expect me to believe that a coalition of xenos could actually govern the galaxy, let alone do so with humanity's participation!"

Sigh. And there are two more reasons I hate the citadel. I get to play hostess to the latest catastrophes to visit my life, space elf and space clown. Admiral Hackett decided that as I was the one who had "discovered" the new headaches, I got to keep them. He had almost seemed down right smug. If I didn't know that the old man was one of the best leaders humanity had to offer and had been looking out for me since Torfan, I would be inclined to hold a grudge.

"I don't give a shit whether you believe it or not Cain. That's how it is. Humanity is an upstanding member of the galactic community. I get enough shit for stepping on peoples toes, I am not going to put up with the cluster fuck that would be unleashed if people get wind of how much of a bigot you are. You can hate aliens all you want, just do it quietly." I informed the clown.

He snorted. "I will endeavor to keep in mind that my actions could inconvenience you Commander. And its either Commissar, or Commissar Cain."

I glanced over at Liara, and she rolled her eyes. She had got wind of the fact that apparently he considered the two of us shacking up to be blasphemy. Not because we were both women mind, but because she was an alien. It wasn't like she as a krogan or a volus, anyone could see asari were sexy as hell and one of the best friends humanity had to boot. The only thing that kept her from putting a biotic throw right up his ass that I had told her, politely, that command was going to look poorly on any harm that came to the Commissar. Whether it could be traced back to her or me nor not. Jerks.

"It is not as if you have not allied with 'xenos' in the past uel'ai." Teelah said coolly, "For the good of both our folks, you must show that silver tongue you were chosen for."

Cain made an odd sign with his hand, folding the finger of his right hand over the palm and muttering something. I had observed him doing it frequently, and it made me think of someone genuflecting. If he was the best humanity had to offer from where ever the hell he came from, I felt sorry for the poor bastards.*

_*How good Cain truly was would be revealed in time, and I think it safe to say that if anyone short of __Sanguinius__himself had come to this universe, we would all have been doomed. _

"Being on your best behavior goes for you too, Teelah. None of that arrogant superior attitude with your nose in the air. Play nice with the council, they're looking for an excuse to string people up after the Battle of the Citadel."

"From what I have gathered, most of their ire is because of your actions Commander." Cain observed.

I shot him a glare. "If it wasn't for my actions, the whole galaxy would be a playground for reapers at this point. So I think maybe you should reconsider your position buddy."

He shrugged, and turned back to the observation port. We were aboard the cruiser _Sidney_, as the _Normandy_ had been towed into dry dock for repairs. The process would take a while, and until then I was out a ride. Just my luck.

We docked not in the Alliance docks, which were still under repair, but in one of the big freighter docks. It was way too big for the _Sidney,_ but then again, how else were they going to fit all those reporters in there?

"Emperor Protect us." Cain muttered, making the funny sign again.

Teelah's eyes just narrowed, and she looked like she was trying to make their heads explode with her mind. Being a space elf and all, maybe she could, but she would have to be one hell of a biotic.

"The warp is surprisingly calm, even with the number of beings aboard this station. It is almost as though it is hardly there at all." Teelah mused aloud.

I shrugged. "Yeah, well come on. We wouldn't want to keep the council waiting now would we?"

From the Cain archives

My arrival at the citadel pounded into my mind just how debauched and strange this new galaxy was. Before me stretched a sea of xenos and humans mingling, touching, chanting together. Despite my better judgment, I had allowed myself and Jurgen who had accompanied me with a translator chip. I prayed that the Emperor would forgive me for the heresy, but I didn't see a way to survive without it. I steeled myself, and put on my best home coming hero grin and waved.

The xenos and humans ate it up, screaming questions at me waving. Apparently, I was something of a hit. The xenos species that had attacked the Holy Fleet were apparently much maligned by the xenos and humans alike. My stance that the only good xeno was a dead xeno, and I was just as happy with the job the navy had down as any.

At my side, Teelah put on a warm, for an eldar, grin and waved royally to the crowd. Jurgen just hunched his shoulders and walked behind me, fingering an icon of the Emperor and muttering prayers while he clutched his melta-gun to his breast.

Teelah leaned into me and whispered, "Disgusting, is it not. I planed on working with humans, but not as bed fellows. The relationships here put bile in my throat."

I nodded. Sadly, Teelah seemed like an almost familiar, welcome presence in this sea of hostility. At least both of us knew the other was a hated enemy no matter how we must work together. With these xenos it was as bad as the Tau, trying to get you to jump in to bed with them. In the case of some, that was literal. I suppressed a shudder and laughed as if Teelah had told a joke and went back to waving to the crowd.

Troops of a variety of species lined the walkways, though most were human and the strange metal covered ones like the one I had shot. There were a few that looked vaguely like frogs and the blue xenos as well. I couldn't decide to be comforted or repulsed that humanity was so strongly represented. After all, they were each and every one of them heretics, bereft of the light of the Emperor. I wondered how many had copulated with the aliens then quickly shut my mind down and focused on being pleasant. Some things did not bear meditating upon.

We made our way through sterile, xeno designed corridors. My palms itched and my muscles tensed from the stress of being in such a bastion of xenos and xenophiles. We finally made our way into a bright, open area, full of vegetation and even a lake shining in the false sunlight.

"Impressive. This would not be far out of place on a craftworld." Teelah observed, gazing around at the lush gardens.

The gardens were actually fairly comforting, and I recognized several species common to many planets in the Imperium.

"I believe the gardens are currently being furnished by humanity, as a gesture of gratitude for Shepard saving the citadel." The blue xeno said.

"You sacrificed human lives to save aliens?" I demanded of the commander. Such treachery could not be born, it was anathema to everything I knew.

She rolled her eyes. "Calm down. I didn't put human lives at unnecessary risk. In fact, I let the 'aliens' take the brunt of the assault and sacrificed their political leadership for a good time to strike at Sovereign. No one can complain about it too much, because the plan fucking well worked, and we pushed back the geth and destroyed Sovereign."

"So despite your fondness for aliens, you still put your own species first mon'keigh?" Teelah demanded.

Shepard shrugged. "With in reason. I don't kill aliens for jollies or think they aren't people, but I remember what color my blood is."

"And yet your choice of companioning would make one think you adore them." I remarked dryly as we boarded an elevator.

The blue alien blushed, and looked away. Or maybe she flushed with anger, it was hard to tell.

"Liara is completely different from the council!" Shepard spat, "Not only does she see what a threat the reapers are, but I've seen her make some of the toughest calls a woman can make! For fuck's sake, she shot her own mother for the good of the galaxy!"

Matricide? The list of perversities xenos were guilty of grew. My own parents gave their lives for the Emperor t fighting xenos, but I wasn't about to share that fact.

"My mother was already dead. I just killed the monster the reapers put in her place." The xeno whispered, looking up and taking Shepard's hand. "I regret nothing, especially not my time with you."

I felt like puking, and Jurgen spat and muttered an oath. I silently agreed.

The elevator opened and we stepped out into a more dimly lit passage. This one still bore battle scars and I could see where recent patches had been made. Insect like workers scuttled about, making repairs.

"Welcome, Commissar Ciaphas Cain, Farseer Teelah. This way." A blessedly human woman told us with a bow.

We followed her up steps past the wreckage, and Shepard leaned close to me. "This place got pretty chewed up when the geth and Saren tried to take over the citadel. Looks bad now, but you should have seen it right after the battle."

I shrugged, not caring if the entire station was destroyed and the xenos expunged with their heretic humans. I at least guessed that they provided a warmer welcome then the xenos alone or these reapers would. They didn't sound half so bad as the horrors I had encountered in the service of the Emperor. I would like to see what these so called reapers would do against necrons, tyranids or the ruinous powers*.

_*Thankfully, we never did. What happened when they met the orks was bad enough. _

Four beings stood on a raised dais before us, at their forefront was a darkly colored man in a military uniform of some sort. It was blue and gold and actually fairly simplistic compared to the ornate dress I would have expected from the leader of humanity. Matched next to the meanest of Lord Generals, he looked like he was in rough field dress. Naturally there were the three xenos species I had been briefed to expect, a froggy salarian, a metallic turian and the repugnant blue asari. By the way they stood, it was clear that the human had precedence, and that they resented it.

I wondered what could be done to further boost humanities standing, perhaps weaning them away from the xeno influence. Amberly had ordered me to do anything I could to cause humanity to reject it's xeno influences and stand as masters of the galaxy. I naturally agreed, though more because it would greatly improve my own position then out of any sense of duty.

"Welcome to the Citadel, Commissar, Farseer." The human greeted us.

"I am Counselor Anderson. This is Counselor Irissa," The asari nodded, "Counselor Quentius," The turian shook his mandibles in our direction, "And Counselor Esheel." The salarian blinked at us.

"Greetings to one and all." Teelah said, stepping forward. "I am here to express thanks on behalf of the eldar race. The supplies and systems you have given us will allow my people a time of peace and prosperity to recoup our numbers. The bare millions I have brought with me are too large a portion of those that remain of my once great nation. Those who lend us a helping hand we shall not forget, and the gift of our technology is but one of many we can bestow upon your peoples."

I coughed into my sleeve, hiding a snort of derision. That was the biggest pile of grox droppings I had heard in a long time. Amberly had explained to me that the Imperium had a difficult time understanding or replicating eldar technology, and that the most our host galaxy was likely to get out of them was a headache.

"We welcome the eldar to the council." The asari said smoothly, "And hope that our coexistence may bring peace and harmony to our peoples."

"Yes, will you be taking this place yourself Farseer?" The turian asked.

To my astonishment, Teelah shook her head. "No, one of my peoples other leaders shall join the council in due course. The time of the farseers is passing."

The politicians nodded as if this was to be accepted, and turned their attention to me. I cleared my throat and stepped forward.

"The Imperium of Man does not seek membership with the council, but we will seek peaceable relations," For now, "And while we prefer to keep most of our technology to ourselves, we are willing to trade openly."

This didn't appear to bother most of the councilors, but the salarian nodded. "Humans have already established themselves in the galaxy. I am sure you will not want for welcome." Though by his tone, it was obvious it wouldn't be coming from him.

I did my best to smile and nod, and for the next hour we stood and made boring political chat. The councilors all made speeches about how we had bested the batarians who had apparently had fewer friends then Jurgen on leave, and how this was an auspicious event. I just smiled and nodded and wished I could get somewhere away from all the xenos. Preferably somewhere safe, with a nice bottle of amsec and a pretty wench or two. And not one of the blue ones.

After everyone was done pontificating, I was led to my quarters. I insisted that Jurgen be close at hand, having him sleeping nearby with his melta handy was the closest to comfort I was going to get. I had just flopped on the bed while Jurgen busied himself making his usual nest of filth when the door slid open and a comely lady in a skin tight suit slinked in.

"I don't recall ordering room service." I mused, sitting up and taking in the sight. Heretic she might be, but I was fairly certain from the lack of arcane symbols she wasn't going to try to corrupt my soul. I did notice a strange symbol on her rather prominent breasts, a white diamond bordered by two orange settings.

"I'm not here for entertainment Commissar Cain. But to discuss the future of humanity." The woman said in sultry tones.

Jurgan eyed her with distaste and covered her with his melta. "Probably one of them heretics sir. Should I frag her?"

Something about the way she said "Future of humanity" made me pause. "No Jurgan, I think perhaps this conversation might be of some interest, Miss?"

The woman smiled. "Lawson. Miranda Lawson."

Authors Notes

MERRY CHRISTMAS and may the Emperor Protect!


	8. Chapter 8

_At this point, I feel it is necessary to add a few fragments to illustrate events that were taking place in the galaxy at large. Both Cain and Shepard relate events only as they happen to them personally, ignoring the galactic picture as usual. -A. Veil._

_From an extra net video smuggled out of the Hegemony:_

Opens with a stern looking elder batarian behind a large poster of a batarian seizing the galaxy with both hands.

"This is the Voice of Truth, talking to you live from Khar'shan. Reports that an alien race have destroyed the First and Eighth fleets are patently false. The Secretary of the Navy has released a statement that during a training exercise, several minor technical malfunctions occurred resulting in the destruction of a few ships and minor casualties. Additional rumors of an invasion are also completely unfounded. A slave revolt in several provinces has resulted in a few minor civil disturbances. We go now to our reporter in the field where troops of the mighty Hegemony are crushing the slaves."

Camera cuts to a reporter in front of a camera, looking clearly frightened.

"This is reporter Teek, where-"

Several large, green aliens with large weapons burst through a wall.

"WOTS DIS DEN? DIS FOUR EYES IS TALKIN INTA THAT FUNNY FING!"

"OY, LESS GABBIN AND MORE CRUMPIN! WE'S GOT A WAAAAARGH ON!"

"What, no don't-"

_The scene quickly cuts to black as the orcs literally rip the reporter limb from limb._

_STG Report: Khar'shan_

Currently, Khar'shan appears to be under direct assault from a race of hostile humanoid aliens bent on conquest and enslavement of the batarian race. The Hegemony is responding in its usual haphazard manner and the aliens are making rather rapid progress across Khar'shan's surface. They appear to number around 100,000 individuals at a conservative estimate, and up to 540,000 at the most liberal. We fell the most accurate assessment of their numbers is approximately 345,621 individuals (see attached files for mathematical assessment of numbers). This could not be a greater boon to the council, as the batarians get a taste of their own medicine. Doubtless these so called "orks" are a race that that batarians have attempted to enslave and have revolted.

The weaponry of the orks appears to be crude, yet functional. They use chemical propelled rounds and internal combustion engines, but seem to have a limitless supply of materials. Orks have been observed using scrap metal and their own bodily excretions to manufacture weapons. Intriguing, but they do not appear to offer any useful technological advancements for the time being. They are lead by one "Warboss Crumpa Bigteef" who appears to be adapting mass accelerator technology for a few weapons for his "kommandoz," who in his words, "Use da funny shootas cuz dey sneaky gitz." He has modified the weapons to make the loudest possible sound when fired, which with mass accelerator technology is apparently quite loud when modified extensively.

This rather ironic turn of events combined with the destruction of the batarian first and eighth fleets means that for the foreseeable future, the batarians are removed as a threat to the Council races. The orks should be monitored, but at this time to not present a threat to the council races.*

_*Poorer judgment may have been exhibited by the STG before, but if this is so, I have found no record of it._

_Article for Thessia Today by Urla Wesska:_

_Note: This article, if the eldar had seen it at the time, would likely have ended any possibility for peaceful coexistence between the asari and eldar._

The New Hotness!

A new and exciting turn of events has happened in the galaxy! A new race has introduced itself to the galaxy at large, and my, my, aren't they just the cutest! And from preliminary reports, actually have a life span to match or even exceed our own!

When the humans were discovered a million, nay, a billion, asari hearts began to beat all aflutter. Finally, a race to match our own aesthetics! While humans may not have the beautiful blue skin tone we do, they at least have the curves or muscles in all the right places! Many said we were made for each other, and from my own human mate, goddess rest his soul, I know it was true!

But these eldar, oh goddess, these eldar! They are slim, sleek and oh so beautiful! Then even have an application for arts and colors and those wonderful spires and sleek aesthetics that we do! Humans can be a bit rough and tumble for the more delicate members of our race, who have had to settle for the flighty and short lived salarians. While I have had a few salarian partners myself, I longed for someone who had my delicate sensibilities. Wonderful my human man was, but sensitive and delicate he was not! The eldar even seem to have their own form of biotics, so no turn offs from biotic haters there! They have such wonderful skin tones and hair colors that perfectly match our own!

They also appear to be a matriarchal society, something that human seem to sadly lean away form. They do have that weird two gender thing going on, but their sexual dimorphism seems to be dramatically less then it is in humans or even turians. They seem like a race a girl could really get kinky with! Perfect for those that want to settle down and raise a family with the same partner long term! And unlike those krogan, you won't have to worry about them wandering off and getting in a fight or moaning about the death of their race! They seem to be peace loving and ready to make some babies (even if they are cute blue ones!)

So get ready to land yourself an eldar ladies! There's sure to be plenty to go around!

_Alliance Command Debriefing  
_

Chief of Staff: Admiral Hackett, what is your impression of the findings from the so called "Black Library?"

Hackett: Sir, while I have not had time to fully read the materials in the black library, I can honestly say that what I have seen matches exactly with what I observed in the field. There can be no doubt, these Black Library books tell what the eldar and the Imperial Guard are and how they will behave with no small degree of accuracy. The eldar did indeed manipulate us to their own ends. While their laser and mass accelerator technology has yielded many insights, the fact that its made of this "wrathbone" and requires a connection to "the Warp" means that we cannot replicate it. It is, for all intents and purposes, useless to us.

Counselor Anderson: This is disturbing. Especially since they claim to have brought with them these "orks." From what I have read, they could be an even bigger threat to the galaxy then the Reapers.

Hackett: I did not observe the orks myself sir, but from talking with one Colonel Regina Kasteen, I have to agree with that assessment. Our own reports indicate they are obliterating any and all resistance the batarians are throwing up. They batarians are sons of bitches, but they are well armored and trained sons of bitches and the orks are chewing them up and spitting them out.

Counselor Anderson: I agree. That's why I've invited an... acquaintance of mine to the meeting.

The door opens, and a new comer steps in.

Chief of Staff: WHO LET THAT SON OF A BITCH IN HERE!

Hackett: Marines, arrest that man, he's a wanted terrorist!

Counselor Anderson: BELAY THAT ORDER! This man is my guest.

TIM: Gentlemen, there's no need for this hostility. We all want the same thing here.

Chief of Staff. The hell we do.

Hackett: With all due respect, fuck you. You've killed more of my men then-

Counselor Anderson: Listen! The Illusive Man has been our enemy in the past, but right now he's our best bet for getting the Imperium technology, which we can actually use! It may even help us destroy the reapers and the orks.

Hackett: And how the hell does he plan to do that? Sir.

TIM: I have an agent in contact with one Ciaphas Cain. The black library has several books on him, and frankly they make for most interesting reading. But he's not the important part. Inquisitor Amberly Veil is.

Chief of Staff: And why is that? We haven't heard a peep from her since Cain left for the citadel.

TIM: Because she's an Inquisitor of the Ordo Xenos. And because she's a high ranking member of the Imperial Cult.

Hackett: Isn't that their religion? How does that help us?

Anderson: Let him talk, it's why he's here.

TIM: The Imperial Cult actually preaches many of the same principles Cerberus does. Calm down Admiral, let me finish. Human Supremacy, at all cost. No love for the alien. Total devotion to Humanity and human purity.

Chief of Staff: I thought Cerberus was OK with human modification. Especially the kinds specifically forbidden by the laws of God and Man.

TIM: So is the Imperim, just look at the Adaptus Astartes, the so called Space Marines. They were genetically enhanced so much they were not even recognizably human anymore.

Hackett: Point taken, but how does this help us?

TIM: Simple. We present Cerberus as fellow believes. We get their technology, and pass it on to the Alliance, but not the Council.

Chief of Staff: But humanity is on the council now and-

Councilor Anderson: Sir, I am on the council, and I can personally say right now the other races loath us. They blame us for the loss of their fleets and councilors. Humanity is not in a good place at the moment. This is our chance.

Hackett: What about the eldar? They already tried to stab us in the back once, and from what Regina told me, they wanted to use humans as living shields and slaves.

TIM: Their technology has already begun to fail them. They won't be the power they were back in their home dimension. If anything, they are worse off here then they were there. Now, this is how we can get the Inquisitor to our side...*

_*The following statements are frankly, of no interest to others, as they contain matters of a personal nature that would be pointless to share with anyone else and as such have been left out._


	9. Chapter 9

_Today humanity stands with the races of the galaxy. Not as a master or as an enemy, but as a brother. Though this is a day I never thought I would see, it brings joy to my heart today call a turian brother and an asari sister. Today, the races of the galaxy stand defiant, and say, 'We shall not bow, we will not break, we will not compromise.' The orks could not break us, and the Reapers will not rule us. Now, FOR THE EMPEROR AND FOR THE CITADEL! _

_-Inquisitor Amberly Veil, before the Second Battle of Palaven. _

**The Cain Archive**

I slowly stood and walked over to one of the chairs in my room, motioning the beautiful lady in my chambers to have a seat in the chair across from me. Not the position I prefer with a lady, but I was ready to play for time.

"Jurgen, why don't you see if you can't rustle up some refreshments. See if they have anything like Tana. I'm sure I'll be just fine alone with this woman.*" I instructed my aid.

"Of course Commissar." Jurgen agreed, and I thanked the Emperor again that my aid was blessed with little intellect and child-like trust in my leadership.

Once Jurgen's usual stench had faded, I turned back to Miranda.

"So, you want to discuss the future of humanity?" I blithely stated, playing for time. I couldn't quite figure her out. She dressed like a Perlian Pleasure Pet**, but my well trained eye caught the subtle movements of a well trained combatant. She wasn't as harmless as she looked, though if I had known she was essentially a baby psyker***, I wouldn't have been so quick to cozy up to her.

"Firstly, what do you make of this?" Lawson asked, handing me a book made of old yellowed paper. To my astonishment, a passing likeness of me was on the cover. I was standing atop the corpse of a dead ork, striking an utterly ridiculous pose and holding a bolt pistol, a weapon I rarely used, preferring my trusty laspistol. It tickled the back of my mind, and suddenly the coin dropped.

"This is a propaganda poster from Peralia!" I exclaimed, "'Ciaphas Cain, Hero of the Imperium!' I recognize the picture, though not the book. Where did you get this?"

"From Earth. Apparently, you were a popular fictional hero." Miranda drawled, smiling with a disturbing predatory glee.

That somehow offended me, the thought that she was insinuating that I was merely a fictitious ideal, while disturbingly close to the mark, offended my pride when said aloud. "Now see here, I am obviously flesh and blood. I don't know what they've told you about my exploits, but I am sure half of them are exaggerated and the other half false. I'm just a simple-"

"Servant of the Emperor?" Miranda finished for me, "I've heard that line before. And how you became a hero for trying to abandon your post and fleeing directly into a tyranid swarm."

My blood suddenly ran as cold as a Valhallan winter in my veins. How could she possibly have hear that, and from whom? "That's ridiculous, I was just scouting-"

"To see if there was a flanking attack? Don't try that with me Cain, I've read the book. I read about how you ended up leading a Peralian liberation campaign by trying to put warm bodies between you and the orks. And how you spent your time with the Space Marines tumbling the governors daughter instead of doing your duty. It's all there, in the book."

This woman had far too many details of my personal life, and as beautiful as she was, I began to try to think of a way to eliminate her.

"Read the book Cain. It's just one copy of many, killing me won't do any good." Miranda said, standing and making her way toward the exit, "But it can be our little secret. Cerberus is powerful, and we could have a use for a man like you.****

I stared at the book for several moments after Miranda had slinked out of the room, then grabbed it and rapidly paged through it. She wasn't lying, it was all there. My attempted desertion on Desolatia IV, my bubbling into an ork warboss and nearly capitulating to a chaos sorcerers*****. It was all there; I was a ruined man.

Jurgen chose just that time to return with a boiling pot of something that smelled suspicously like Tana.

"Best I could find sir, I saw the Lady leaving, will you still be needing her portion?"

I grabbed the pot and began to greedily drink as I read. "No Jurgen, though if you have something stronger, I would appreciate it."

_*Which just goes to show that Cain didn't know Miss Lawson in the slightest at that point. Having met her, I can safely say I would have recruited her for the Ordo Xenos in a heartbeat. _

_**A famous house of ill repute on Perlia, a planet Cain saved from an Ork Waaaagh nearly by accident early in his career. _

_***Cain is clearly exaggerating her, biotics have no relationship to psykers, and their powers are completely different._

_**** Which just goes to show that The Illusive Man is one of the best judges of character in the galaxy. Cain never did appreciate just how well he wore the masks he claimed to be entirely put on. _

_***** Only Cain could find any shame in only NEARLY falling to a Slaanehsi Sorceress. Most lesser minds would have broken, and it's a testament to his faith and courage that he was able to hold off that woman twice, once as a Greater Demon._

**From the Journal of Commander Jane Shepard**

Being on the Citadel with Liara, now that the odious clown and space elf were gone, was actually rather nice. I had changed into a civilian outfit we had purchased, a simple hoodie with some comfortable baggy pants. Liara had on baggy pants and a jacket of her own, and it nicely disguised us from annoying fans.

"Even with all the damage, it's still beautiful." Liara commented as we walked through the wards, "All the races together, living and working in harmony."

See, that's what I love about Liara. Sometimes, being a bitter, cynical bitch gets old. Yeah, I know I am one, and I am not fucking likely to stop being one, so get over it.

"Yeah, I guess." What I saw was humanity finally getting what it deserved, and the other races being forced to eat humble pie. Served them right for looking down on us, but it was too bad that so many perfectly innocent people had been killed in the Councils hubris. Though if I had to make the same choice again, I would make it in a heartbeat. Those assholes got what they deserved.

"What do you want to do today?" Liara asked, "I hate to say it, but spending time with you has made me expect an explosion or a crisis every day. Shopping seems rather boring in comparison."

That made me laugh, another reason I love my blue sweetie. "Hey, don't ask me, I told you it was Commander T'soni today. You point and I obey..."

"Through the warp and far away." An unwelcome voice said behind me.

I grit my teeth and turned to see a rather depressed looking Cain. He didn't even look like a clown, having changed into a civilian suit. It was actually rather well cut for him, and he cut a rather dashing figure. What? Just because I like asari doesn't mean I don't get to look at my own species.

"Cain. What are you doing here?" I said, trying to remember Liara had made me promise to be "nice" today. There were downsides to following her lead.

"Wandering. Jurgen found out about the extranet, and is occupying himself in our quarters. I opted to give him a little privacy."

That put the most disgusting picture I could imagine short of the krogan/geth porn I stumbled upon once in my head. "Thanks for that."

"That is quite possibly the second most disturbing mental image I have ever had." Liara gasped.

Cain shrugged. "Sorry. I'm in a bit of a mood today."

"Well, as hostesses, we should cheer you up!" Liara said brightly, "Maybe I can convince you not every xenos is a monster."

"Sure, why not. Enough of my illusions have been shattered already today." Cain agreed.

I resisted the urge to pinch Liara and put on my best smile. "Well, I think a new club called Eternity just opened. What do you say we go check it out?"

Cain nodded, and Liara led us off through the wards. I leaned close to Cain and hissed in his ear, "Thanks for ruining my date, jackass."

"Glad to return the favor. Your galaxy just destroyed my life." He answered with a grin that didn't quite make it to his eyes. I wasn't sure what all his mopey self pitying was about, but it sure as hell was getting on my nerves.

"Just do me a favor and entertain yourself once we get to the club." I growled and Cain nodded.

"Trust me, I don't think either of us is overly desirous of each other's presence." Cain assured me, "And I plan on drinking myself into a stupor anyway."

That plan suited me just fine, and as we stepped into the cab Liara had hailed, I made my plans to lose this idiot as soon as I could.

Of course, if I had known what was going to happen in Eternity, I would have pushed Cain out of the air car right then and there.*

_*The similarity between this line and Cain's oft repeated laments makes me wonder if those two ever realized how similar they really were. _

**The Cain Archive**

After reading most of the book, I carefully stowed it in my own belongings. I wasn't worried about Jurgen digging through them, I wasn't sure if he could read* and he treated my things as sacrosanct anyway. He had discovered the local information network, which was apparently brimming with porno vids, and I decided to vacate the premises so he could indulge in his favorite pastime.

While wandering I stumbled upon Shepard, and having nothing better to do agreed to her invitation to go to a bar with her and her xenos lover. Suddenly, the little things in life seemed to be much more appealing, such as drinking until I couldn't see straight, or remember that there was a deadly woman running around privy to my most closely guarded secrets.

The bar was rather different then what I was used to in Imperial Space, even if you ignored all the xenos. The pulsing lights, loud music, and constant dancing made me think of a Pleasure Cult more than anything else, and I immediately put myself on guard for the influence of the ruinous powers. But even with my most vigilant observations, I could detect none of the stubble wrongness a chaos cult would emanate. The xenos were disconcerting true, but they were actually fairly friendly to me. It reminded me more of the tau than anything else. Polite and well meaning, and utterly clueless to the way the larger galaxy operated.**

Shepard and her lover made their way onto the dance floor, and I headed for a bar being tended by a human that was strangely deserted save for a lone patron.

"What are you havin' pal?" The bar tender asked, cleaning a glass with the perpetual rag all bartenders seem to keep on their person.

"Whatever she is having." I said, nodding to a bald tattooed woman to my left. She was nearly naked, wearing only a pair of ridiculously tight shorts and a leather strap that barely covered her rather perky breasts.

"The fuck you lookin' at buddy?" She demanded, turning to glare at me.

Feeling a bit ornery, I came back with "The view. From the wares your displaying, it's rather pleasant."

The bartender suddenly disappeared, and I noticed that a rather large bubble had formed around the two of us.

"Fucking asshole!" She shouted and suddenly glowed bright blue.

"Oh frak." Of course, I would decide to irritate the one witch*** in the entire establishment.

She took a swing at me, and my well trained reflexes took over. I dodged, grabing her in a head lock which placed my hands over her rather bare breast.

"Fuck!" She screamed, lifting the two of us in the air.

I desperately clung to her, inadvertently squeezing my hand hold tightly in sheer reflex. She howled in rage, spining us in sickening circles in an attempt to dislodge me. My ride continued to struggle for several seconds, and I found myself wishing for Jurgen and his talents, though of course they would have been useless against this particular brand of witchcraft.

Finally, she set us down. "Not bad. I respect a man who's willing to go to that length to cop a feel."

Still unwilling to let go in case this was a bluff, I quipped, "Well you know, once a man sees something he likes, he has to grab it with both hands."

She started shaking, and I prepared for another insane ride, but after a moment I realized she was laughing. "I like you. That drinks on me."

I gingerly let go, and we returned to the counter. "Cheers." I said, raising my glass to her.

"Grabbing what you like." She agreed, clinking her glass to mine and emptying it in a single swallow.

Not to be outdone, I drained my glass as well. It tasted rather like the raw spirits the Valhalla troops brewed in the field, but went down considerably smoother****.

"The next rounds on me." I told her, motioning for the just now reemerging bartender to refill our glasses.

"Damn, and a gentleman too!" My companion laughed, "What's your name?"

"Cain, Ciaphas Cain." I answered.

"No shit? Your that big shit that just came in with Shepard?" The girl asked.

"The same." I admitted, "Though I would prefer not to discuss the illustrious Commander. She's a positive pain in the ass."

That made my companion laugh again. "She always struck me as an uptight bitch. I'm Jacqueline Naught. Call me Jack."

"A pleasure Jack, call me Cain." I said amicably, draining my glass and motioning for another.

Jack grinned wickedly at me. "Hey, in a little while, I hope to call you something a lot more personal."

"And perhaps I can come up with a few more interesting things to call you." I agreed, paying the tab. I took Jacks arm and gave her my most roguish smile. "Today I've got nothing to prove and nothing to lose. So let's party like cultists tonight."

_The rest of this particular portion of the archive contains personal matters not of interest to anyone but the parties involved. _

_*When one realizes that Jurgen actually did most of Cain's paperwork, it should be obvious that he is in fact literate. _

_**A position Cain and myself along with the rest of the Imperials and Eldar now found ourselves in, to our later chagrin. _

_***An obvious piece of hyperbole. Biotics are not nearly as rare as psykers. _

_**** Considering ingredients in Valhallan grog can include charged laspacks, ork body parts, Imperial Ration bars and whatever else they can scrounge, this is not surprising. _

**Secondary Source**

The Illusive Man and Admiral Hackett sat aboard the admirals quarters of the Kilimanjaro, sharing a quiet smoke. Hackett puffed on his Cuban Cigar, while TIM enjoyed a pack of cigarettes. They were two of the most powerful humans in the galaxy, and while they did not particularly like each other, recent events had made them acquiesce to one another's company.

It was into this haze that Miranda Lawson stepped, doing her best not to wrinkle her nose at the smoke. She found it to be a disgusting habit, and even with treatments it still weakened ones lifespan and was utterly foolish to partake in. Still, she wasn't about to call the head of Cerberus and the top Admiral of the Alliance on the carpet about it.

"Well Operative Lawson?" Hackett setting his cigar in a glass tray.

"The initial meeting went well, but there's been a hiccup we didn't foresee." Miranda reported.

"And what would that be?" TIM asked, blowing out a cloud of smoke.

"Cain has met Subject Zero. They are currently in her apartment together, engaging in recreational activities."

"That is... Problematic." TIM admitted, tossing his own smoke into an ashtray.

"Why do we care if Cain's tumbling this Subject Zero?" Hackett demanded.

"She was a part of a Cerberus project, back when we were still a member of the Alliance. An experiment from our early days when Biotics were brand new."

"Oh Christ, not the Übermensch Project." Hackett groaned, "That got out of control and was before my time."

"The same." TIM agreed, "And unfortunately she's developed a hatred of Cerberus from it."

"No shit." Hackett growled, "What are we going to do about it?"

"Ms. Lawson, consider yourself terminated." TIM said by way of reply.

Miranda nodded. "I assume the Alliance will be hiring me?"

TIM glanced at Hackett who nodded. "Repaint that skin suit of yours in the blue and gold young lady. Your mission is the same. Just how deviant is this Cain? What about Subject Zero? Can you still insert yourself?" Hackett demanded.

And of course, not a thought for what the honey in the trap feels, Miranda noted. Hackett had a reputation as a good commander, but he could be an unfeeling bastard when the situation demanded. Part of being an Admiral, Miranda knew.

"They should both remain open to my advances." Miranda replied, "It shouldn't be an issue. Subject Zero is a powerful biotic, her skills could be of use if we can promise her what she wants."

"Do it." TIM ordered, "We've got a galaxy to save."

_Authors Note:_

_I promise, at some point all the headings will make sense. Sort of. Also, let me know if the formatting changes make things a bit better. If people like them, I'll make sure to write future chapters like this and go back and edit things a bit. _


	10. Chapter 10

_The utter collapse of the Batarian Hegemony is shocking upon first examination, but only shows how rotten the core of the evil empire was. The orks were merely a catalyst, the final straw that broke the elkors back. The orks and batarians will likely spend the next three hundred years killing each other as batarian warlords try to carve out a new empire from the ashes of their old and the orks barbaric violence continues its cycle. We have already observed the beasts fighting one another, and frankly their crude weapons are little threat to Citadel Space .The galaxy can breathe a sigh of relief: The batarian menace is ended._

_-STG report, one week before the Ork Waaaaghhh! smashed through citadel space and seized a dozen worlds. _

**From the Cain Archives**

The first thing I heard when I regained consciousness was some rather unlady-like swearing when some sort of alarm went off, followed by a blast*. This reminded me that I had drank approximately as much alcohol as an entire squad on leave could, and that I now had a roaring headache. It also awakened my stomach, and I had to rush to the lavatory or risk making a mess of the bed sheets.

Once I had availed myself of the facilities, I returned to find Jack mostly risen.

"Hey, you did pretty good last night for a stuffed shirt. Not too bad in a brawl either."

"Thank you, I have to say I have rarely enjoyed such energetic company as yours Jack. Last night was... Entertaining."

She laughed and motioned for me to come over, and we found a rather pleasant way to chase away our hangovers. Once we were well and truly up, she got me a mug of recaff, though she called it "Coffee."

"You people have such fucking weird names for everything where you come from?" Jack asked as we sat at her apartment table.

"It's plain Gothic where I come from." I answered, wishing for a mug of tanna, "Though I have to say we don't have nearly the tolerance for xenos that people here do."

Jack snorted. "Aliens are just people with different skins. Blue, scaly or slimy, they still lie, cheat, steal and fuck. They ain't no better or worse than humanity is."

Sad to say, but Jack's evaluation of the races was perhaps the most balanced I had heard in my life. Looking back, it was perhaps a tad negative, but what can one expect from an individual with Jack's upbringing**.

"Well, then to bastards being bastards." I said, raising my mug.

Jack laughed and slammed hers into mine, sloshing the liquid over both our arms.

"Hear hear!"

Just as I was starting to feel human again, there was a pounding at the door.

"This is C-Sec, open up Subject Zero, we know you're in there!"

"Shit! Cerberus!" Jack growled. The name tickled something in the back of my mind, but my still hazy brain as unable to make the connection. "Come on, I've got a back way out."

"You do seem to like the back way." I drawled as hurried after her.

She shot me a mischievous grin. "Time for that later old man. Come on."

We snuck out of her back way, but just as we were making our way down the alley we found it blocked by two humans in arbitrator uniforms***. "Fuck, this way!" Jack shouted, hastily erecting a barrier that glowed blue with witch light. I swallowed, reminding myself that psyckers were much less dangerous here then back home, and followed her. Unfortunately, before we had gone half a dozen steps that path was also blocked by arbitrator.

"Shit, were fucked." Jack said, drawing her weapon and preparing to make a last stand. "They ain't takin' me again. I'm never going to the bad place!"

Just as we prepared to go down in a blaze of glory, a line dropped down from above, and we looked up to see a hovering air car.

"Take the rope, quickly!" A woman's voice called.

Not seeing much in the way of other options, Jack and I both grabbed the rope and clung to it for dear life. We were swiftly raised up to the air car.

"Commissar, good to see you." A familiar voice said, and a moment afterword I was struck by an equally familiar stench.

"Jurgen!" I cried as my aid helped me in, "what are you doing here by the throne!"

"The lady said you needed help, and I figured you would need me sir." My aid answered, as if a daring air car rescue was something completely ordinary.

"Strap in, this is going to be hairy." The woman said from within the confines of a helmet.

"Who are you?" Jack demanded, "Is this a set up?"

"I have no idea who you are Miss, but you've been caught up in galactic politics. One of the other races is after Commissar Cain here, and I need to get the two of you to safety." The woman flipped her helmet up to reveal the face of Miranda Lawson.

"You!" I gasped.

"This is no time to be picky, strap in." Lawson ordered, then slammed her foot onto the gas.

I have to say, she made me suddenly appreciative of Jurgen's driving. She had his same disregard for anything resembling a reasonable speed and his taste for near misses and hair pin turns. All that was lacking was blessed ground, something on short supply on a space station.

"I don't know who your friend is, but as long as she gets me away from Cerberus, I'm happy." Jack said with a sigh.

The coin dropped. I leaned close and asked, "What did Cerberus do to you?"

"Kidnapped me as a kid, tortured me and made me fight to the death." Jack answered, frowning at me, "Fuck, why did I just tell you that?"

"Because she's with Cerberus." I said through gritted teeth. "Jurgen! Miranda's an enemy, disable her and take over the vehicle!"

"What?!" Miranda squawked, but before she could do anything, Jurgen had knocked her over the head and taken the wheel.

"Right you are sir." He said, unperturbed by this turn of events. "Shall I dump her body out?"

"No, I want her for questioning." I said, trying to put more steel in my voice then I felt.

Jack stared at me, wide eyed. "She was helping you, what the fuck did you do that for?"

I gave her my very best hero smile. "Because, I've had such a wonderful time with you, and I hate to lead a lady into a trap. It's ungentlemanly of me, and it makes me look rather foolish. So I thought I would make it up to you by rescuing you from another stay in the bad place."

"Don't give me that chivalry crap." Jack growled, "I don't buy it for a moment."

Jack's attitude almost made me laugh. Instead of seeing through my dissembling and finding me to be the coward I was instead of the hero I was made to be by intellect or wit, she was able to see the real me because she was almost as cynical and jaded as I was.

"Well then Miss Naught, I propose an alliance. I need to get out of here, but I am sadly unfamiliar with the territory. Any idea where a good place to run to might be?"

Jack grinned wickedly. "Fuck yes I do. Omega. The law doesn't reach there. I know a guy, we can go out on his next shipment."

I grinned and called to our driver, "Jurgen, did you happen to bring our gear?"

"Yes sir. I thought you might want to be leaving quickly." He held up a rucksack filled with our combined gear, mostly a few spare lasguns and a full box of power packs.

"Excellent. Then follow Jack's directions. We are going to Omega." I said, leaning back and relaxing. Finally, I was in a place where I could give in to my natural instinct and run for the nearest hole in the ground, and no Imperium to drag me back. All I had to do was dodge one irate Inquisitor and my worries were over.**** Of course, if I had known what would be awaiting me on Omega, I would have woken Miranda up and gladly taken up residence in an Alliance or Cerberus facility.

_*By which, we can assume that Jack is not a morning person. _

_** Cain is clearly speaking with the insight of hindsight, there is little chance Jack was so open upon their first night together._

_***Obviously, they were not members of the Adaptus Arbites but Citadel Security. Cain is simply continuing his habit of referring to members of law enforcement as arbitrators that he picked up from our galaxy. _

_****Honestly, you would think Cain would know better than to say something like that._

**Journal of Jane Shepard**

It's amazing how easily something dynamic and exciting can become boring as hell as soon as it's converted into military-ese. Take, for example, the 40k briefings. The shit Joker had told me was interesting, in a I-can-believe-how-nerdy-this-is kind of way. It at least didn't put me to sleep, unlike the briefings I was now enduring from Alliance Command. The shit on Cain should have played out like a hilarious parody, but instead as a bunch of psycho analytical bullshit.

So, naturally when Cain decided to bug out and I was called in to go find his ass, I was thrilled to say the least. Bumming around the terminus systems looking for a wayward space clown might not be as much fun as a night on shore leave, but it beat the hell out of another briefing. And besides, I still needed to et my back my real job of stopping the Reapers.

"Alright people, space clown has flown the coop, and it's our job to bring him in!" I said into the comm, "This isn't going to be like Saren, but just because this looks like a cakewalk doesn't mean I don't expect the best out of all of you. The intel we have is sketchy at best, but the Alliance has promised us an expert who should be able to help us find him. Once there aboard, this gets real."

Speaking of experts, my comm chimed. "Commander, Admiral Hackett is here with our expert." Ashley reported.

"Excellent, bring them aboard and tell them to meet me in the briefing room. Let's fly."

"Yes ma'am."

Once the expert was safely stowed away, the docking clamps let go and we sped away from the Citadel. I hurried down to the briefing room, expecting some nerdy know it all on Cain that had spent his whole life in his parents basement and was just now getting out in the real world. Someone I could safely stow in the cargo bay and ignore for the rest of my mission.

So when the door hissed open and I found the space elf, I was less then pleased.

"Commander Shepard." She said coolly, "I have information for you."

"Teelah." I said, forcing a smile onto my face, "What are you doing here?"

"Ciaphas Cain is integral to my plans." She answered placidly. "His sudden disappearance does not bode well for our future. I have consulted the warp, and though my powers wane, I have been able to divine his intended purpose."

I snorted. "What, he bravely ran away?" Hey, I said the briefings were boring as hell. Not that I didn't read them.

"Indeed," Space elf agreed, "That appears to be the case, though I would not be so certain. Cain may claim to be a coward in those memoirs," I struggled to control my face, the idea that she had access to those files was not comforting, "But your own records do not seem to verify if he is truly a coward."

So she had seen the files on the space elves eh? "What do you think about us knowing some of your peoples most intimate secrets?" I taunted.

Teelah shrugged as if she expected the question. "Think you will find you are not so well informed as you think."

Which I translated as: We have no fucking clue what to make of it, and are still trying to figure out how we can either bullshit our way out of this or turn it to our advantage.

"We'll see. For now, what can you tell me about where Cain's run to?"

"I believe he is in the company of one Jacqueline Naught, a known criminal. He is also being pursued both by your human Alliance and by a group called Cerberus. Admiral Hackett was rather opaque, but I gather that they are working together. Cain has realized their intentions and is using Naught to run to ground. From what I have gathered, there is one place in the galaxy people run to. And I have found someone to take us there. These are the coordinates we are meeting him at."

I took the slate Teelah offered me, and looked at the ugly mug of an old human. "Zaeed Mussani?" Then I checked the location and nearly giggled. "And we are meeting him at Omega?"

Perfect. And here I thought having Teelah aboard would be a problem. Going to Omega sounded like more of a party then a mission.

"That is correct mon'keigh. I shall I resume my residence in the quarters you assigned to me?"

"Yeah, go for it." I answered, waving her away. A snipe hunt to Omega had potential. Sure, we might not find Cain, but there were merc groups, smuggling rings, and Aria T'Loak. On Omega, I could find allies. Allies to fight the Reapers.

Yeah, sue me, I hadn't forgotten the real reason I was out here. The Reapers were still coming, and I still had a galaxy to unite. The Council might want to sit on their asses even after their predecessors paid the price for ignoring my warnings, but Aria would see an angle on the Reapers. With her, I could unite the Terminus systems and pull a dozen species, pirate fleets, and mercenary groups in. No more fruiting around with space elves or fighting a bunch of green aliens that didn't even fucking matter.

I hurried up to the bridge and gave Joker the order to the head for Omega.

"Omega? Damn, and I thought shore leave was over." He quipped.

"Settle down Joker." I snapped, "We're going there to build an army. Don't forget, the Reapers are still coming."

"How could I forget that?" He asked, shuddering, "We'll be ready when we get there."

I spent the next few days planning how to approach Aria, looking up the files the Alliance had on here. There was quite a bit there, and I saw a woman after my own heart. She wanted power, she wanted comfort, and she wanted freedom. And she would fuck up anyone who tried to take those away from her.

When we got to Omega, the scarred man, Zaaed, was waiting for us in the docking bay.

"So you're the goddamn elf that hired me?" He demanded of Teelah.

Her eyes narrowed slightly, and I winked at Zaeed. I liked him.

"I am Farseer Teelah, yes."

"Well, then you're in luck. I know where the bastard you're looking for is."

"No shit?" I asked, "Come on Zaaed, there has to be a catch. There always is."

"Goddamn right there is. Bastard got himself under Aria's protection. Saved her goddamn life. Now he and his two little bunnies are best friends with her."

"Seriously? He's been here what, a week?" I was surprised. I hadn't thought Cain could be that effective.

"It only took him two goddamn days. Come on, I'll show you where he's at."

With that, our strange little party trooped after the grumpy old man. Me, an asari, and a space elf. What a great start to my army.

**From the Cain Archives **

I had to admit, Omega was not what I had thought it would be. Only two days after Jack and I arrived, we took a trip to a bar called "Afterlife." It's music was a bit loud for me, but the scum of the underworld and the cramped quarters appealed to the hiver in me. We were really just in a rickety space hab, but I was used to floating around in the void, and the rock and metal warrens made me feel almost at home.

Jack was out on the dance floor, and I as taking a breather at the bar by the VIP lounge. Jurgen was back at our bolt hole with Miranda, and while I missed the security his company brought, I didn't miss his almost puppy like belief that I was still out for the good of Mankind and the Imperium. It was almost enough to make me feel guilty enough to go back to the regiment. Almost.

I was lost in my musing when I noticed the hit man. It was immediately obvious what he was, from the way he was walking through the crowd to the way his eyes were looking everywhere, yet at a specific target: me.

A quick glanced showed me he was not alone. "Jurgen, Jack. Get over to me, quickly. We've got a hit squad on us."

"Right away sir." Jurgen responded.

Jack nodded to me and began to make her way over. I waved to her with assumed joviality, taking the opportunity case the room. There were at least dozen of them, a mix of xenos and humans with telling bulges in their clothes.

"What have we got." Jack asked, coming over and facing the bar I was leaning back against.

"Assassins. Twelve of them by my count. Jurgen should be here shortly, then we make a break for it."

"Right, I got them." Jack muttered, turning around to give me a kiss. "For luck."

Unfortunately, that was when the assassins made their move. They rushed us, and I just had time to draw my laspistol and gun down the leader, an ugly xeno with four eyes, before they were upon us.

Jack fought back at my side, throwing up a barrier to block their hail of fire. We were still forced back, up a flight of stairs behind us.

"Who are these fuckers?" Jack shouted, "They don't look like Cerberus!"

"Warped if I know!" I replied, sending another shot through her barrier. The discovery that Jack's biotics, and indeed any defenses I was likely to encounter, were useless against the common laspistol had been a great comfort to me. It was nice to know that I had at least some advantage over my foes, though not one I would retain for long.

"They're taking the stairs to the side!" Jack gasped, straining against the hail of gun fire.

"I'll hold them off, you stay here until Jurgen arrives."

I hurried up the stairs to find a blue female xeno standing over the bodies of several other dead xenos of varying races.

"Fucking traitors. Impossible to find good help these days." She panted, clutching a wounded side.

Despite myself, I found my commissariat training coming through, kneeling beside her as I fired blindly down the stairs. "Are you wounded, there's more coming."

"I can fight." She assured me, "Or at least hold them off until my men arrive."

"Excellent, I have back up of my own on the way."

The xenos put up a blue barrier of her own on the stair well, grunting with the effort. "I am not dying like this!"

"Cain, I can't hold this for much longer!" Jack called, her voice nearly breaking with the effort she was exerting.

Just as I was ready to make a daring last stand, the familiar crackle of lasgun fire signaled the arrival of Jurgen.

"That would be my people." I declared, which sounded a lot better than, "That's my aid pulling our bacon out of the fire."

Caught between my own fire and Jurgen's, the assassins were quickly eliminated. Against my better judgment, I knelt beside the xeno and got out some of the medigel packets Jack had given me.

"Here, this should stop the bleeding" I told the xeno.

"Thanks." The xeno growled, "I guess I owe you one. That would have been a bitch to handle myself."

Her wound dressed, I hurried over to Jack who was still panting on the bottom of the stairs. "That was impressive Jack, excellent work. Are you injured?"

"I'm fine," She panted, "Go see what Jurgen's up to. He brought the Cerberus bitch with him."

That did make my blood run cold. I hurried out to find Miranda holding one of the spare lasguns we had brought with us, kicking one of the assassins to make sure he was dead.

"Cain." She said pleasantly, "I hope now I will no longer need to be kept prisoner. I really am here to help you."

"But you're with Cerberus!" I protested, holding my laspistol on her, "They sent you after me, why should I trust you?"

"Because of this." She held up her omnitool and played an audio file.

"Ms. Lawson, consider yourself terminated." A cold man's voice hissed.

"Repaint that skin suit of yours in the blue and gold young lady. Your mission is the same. Just how deviant is this Cain? What about Subject Zero? Can you still insert yourself?" Another man demanded.

I was only mildly surprised to hear she had been a honey trap, she was certainly attractive enough to try it. "And just why should I believe you?" I demanded, "You could still be working for them."

"Because I have no interest in working of an organization that only wants me because I can bed a man and his girlfriend. Especially not when they want me to do both of them at the same time."

That certainly smacked of Slaaneshi like depravity, though I had to admit, it did sound more than a little tempting.

I glanced at the dead bodies, and made up my mind. I could use all the help I could get. "Convince Jack of your good intentions, and I'll accept it."

Miranda snorted. "No problem, we've both been screwed over by Cerberus."

Next I made my way over to Jurgen, who was examine the remains of one of the assassins. He held up a small emblem that looked like a orange fist. "What do you make of these sir?"

"Probably an organizational emblem," I answered, stating the obvious, "but I wanted to ask you Jurgen, what inspired you to bring Miranda?"

"You said you needed help sir, and she offered. I figured you could use all the backup I could bring."

I wasn't about to argue with him, as it had all turned out well enough in the end. I slapped my aid on the back and gave him my best grin. "Well done Jurgen, good instincts."

"Thank you sir." He replied, and the smile of dogged loyalty made me wonder just what I had ever done to earn such devotion.

I heard a shuffling sound behind me and found the blue xenos from before hobbling up, leading several rather embarrassed looking guards.

"Hey, Cain is it? I have to say, your little display back there was impressive. I didn't think the Fists had the quads to make a move like this."

I bowed to her, putting on my modest hero grin. "My pleasure, just an old soldier doing his duty. I can't stand thugs ruining my evening, and besides, your far to lovely to be killed by a group of idiots like this." The lie rolled easily from my lips, as far as I was concerned she was a hideous monstrosity*.

The xenos threw her head back and laughed. "I like your style Cain. While you're on Omega, consider yourself the guest of Aria T'loak. I'm the bitch Queen of this place, and the Fists are just the first in a long line of assholes who learned that nobody fucks with Aria. If you're interested, I have a position in my organization for someone with your skills."

I smiled. This had worked out rather well, even if I could have just bolted when the assassins showed up. "Well, I don't have anything more pressing at hand. Consider myself at your disposal, Aria."

That was how I found myself sitting comfortably in Aria's VIP seat, sipping at a glass of asari wine. It wasn't the amnesiac I was used to, but it did the trick. Jack and Miranda were on either side of me, their own glasses in hand. It had been a shock when they had actually decided to get along with one another, but apparently Miranda had several files Jack had desperately wanted to see, and being abused by Cerberus seemed to be the best way to become friends with the biotic. Jurgen was down with the other bodyguards, still under the illusion that we were working for the Imperium. I couldn't decide if his obliviousness was deliberate, or if he really was operating under the delusion that I was out for anyone but myself.

"Aria, someone to see you. Says she's Commander Shepard." One of the batarian bodyguards, the four eyed kind of xenos, informed my new boss.

Aria was lounging in the seat above mine, secure in her new power base. Apparently, having me at her side and defeating the Fists so handily had put a stopper on any new attempts to seize control of Omega.

"Shepard?" I demanded, "What's she doing here?"

"Looking for you, I would imagine." Aria drawled, smiling down at me. "But I'm not about to let her take my new toy. Send her in though."

I groaned and sat up, easing my laspistol in its holster. I could already feel the headache coming on.

_*Considering the several dalliances that Cain and Aria would have over their long partnership, I think he eventually changed his perceptions. _

**From the Journal of Jane Shepard**

I was sort of surprised when Aria agreed to see us right away, she didn't have a reputation that screamed "loves council Specters." I wasn't going to argue with it though.

When Liara, Teelah and Zaeed made as if to follow me, the batarian blocked their way. "Aria only said Shepard. The rest of you can wait here."

"It's fine." I told them, "I'd prefer to meet her alone at first." Because then, I could stab Teelah in the back must more easily if I needed to.

I made my way up, though I grimaced when I saw Cain lounging with two women on his lap. One was the tattooed biotic he had caused a ruckus with back on the Citadel, and the other was new to me.

"Well, finding you was easy enough. But you're not why I'm really here." I told him.

"Oh?" He asked, frowning as if not being at the center of attention was an insult, "Then what are you here for?"

"I'd like to know that too." Aria interjected, "I was under the impression that the Commissar here was a hot commodity. I'm not ready to give him up yet, but I have to wonder why you would ignore that prize so easily."

"I'm here about the Reapers." I answered, "And about making you Queen of the Terminus."

That got Aria's attention. "Well consider me intrigued. Have a seat Shepard."

I sat down on the offered couch, snagging a drink for a nearby table and knocking it back. "You know about the Reapers?"

"I know what the official position on your claims is. The Council wants us to believe that whatever hit the Citadel and wiped out the last Council was a geth ship, but I don't buy the official story."

"Figured you wouldn't. The truth is a hell of a lot scarier. It was the vanguard of an ancient race of machines that wiped out the Protheans, and a whole hell of a lot of races before them. He was set to do the same thing to us, but I stopped him from bringing in his friends. They're still coming though, and I need people to be ready when they get here. I figure that if the Council won't listen, I'll find people greedy enough who will."

The gleam in Aria's eyes told me I was dead on, and I continued, "You have Omega, but that's just a start. With my help, you could unite the Terminus Systems against the Reapers. Seize power, make the council see you as a credible threat. Then, I convince the politicos to build up their forces to keep you in check, all the while passing you information and tech so that you keep pace. By the time the Reapers show up, we'll have two Empires primed for war. They won't stand a chance."

"Not bad." Aria said, lazily swirling her own glass, "And I'm inclined to believe your story, at least because it would certainly work out well for me. But how do I go about uniting the Terminus Systems under my banner? I would need a credible reason to do so."

That was actually something I wanted to talk to Aria about, the truth was I didn't have a really good idea of how to do that, but before I could say so Joker interrupted.

"Commander, we've got trouble." He said over my omnitool. He sounded panicked, and that made me pay attention.

"What is it Joker?"

"Ork ships, at least a dozen of them. They're making a hard burn for Omega."

"How do you know their orks Joker?"

"Who else is going to build something out of rocks and scrap metal? Besides, I played orks as a kid. I know what their gear looks like."

That was good enough for me. I turned to Aria, who was getting her own report from a flunkies.

"You get a call about unknown ships?" I asked.

The asari scowled and nodded. "Yes. And having a fleet of strange ships show up on my doorstep isn't what I would call a friendly gesture. You know what they are?"

"Believe it or not, I think they're the things that have been destroying the batarian Hegemony. Looks like they got bored."

"Damn." She growled, "Those fuckers looked like they could fight. You know any good ways of stopping them?"

"Not really." I turned to Cain and gave him a predatory grin. "But I know someone who does."

_Authors Note:_

_PLOTS HERE EVERYBODY MOVE. _


End file.
